Rachel: You remember Ross.
Ross: Nice to see you again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: So, how's the library?
Ross: Uh, museum.
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Ross: There never was a library. I mean, there are libraries. It's just that I've never worked at one.

Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment. I want to say good night to the Levines before we go.
Ross: [gestures stabbing himself in the heart with a table knife]
Rachel: Honey, stop. It's not that bad.
Ross: Uh-oh. I think your dad must have added wrong. He only tipped like 4%.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: "That's Daddy"? Doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me, Ross. But you know, if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.

Rachel: You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone.
Ross: Four percent, okay? I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.

Rachel: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along.
[Ross is rubbing his neck]
Rachel: Would you just see my chiropractor already?
Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to medical school in a mini-mall.

Chandler: What a wank.
Janice: I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Monica: I know. At $499 for a pillow-top queen, who cares about the divorce? Those babies will sell themselves. And I'm appalled for you, by the way.

Rachel: Okay, Daddy. We'll see you tomorrow night. Okay, bye-bye.
Ross: "We"?
Rachel: -are having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night. I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh, shoot. Tomorrow's not good. I'm supposed to fall off the Empire State Building and land on a bicycle with no seat, so...

Joey: It's not a part. I'm teaching Acting for Soap Operas at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Come on. That's great.
Joey: It's, like, my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross: You know, you're probably not allowed to sleep with your students.
Joey: [stares blankly] I know.

Monica: This is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Phoebe: Monica, it still feels so weird, you know? Chandler's your friend. Oh, my God. All right, take this bed. You can make other friends.

Rachel: Hi, Daddy.
Dr. Green: Baby.
Ross: Dr. Green, how are you?
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What did you do, swim here?

Dr. Green: What is this? Who put a 20 down here?
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me. I have a problem. I tip way too much. Way too much. It's a sickness, really.
Rachel: Yeah, it is. We really, really have to do something about that.
Dr. Green: Excuse me. You think I'm cheap?
Rachel: No, Daddy, he didn't mean anything by that. He really didn't.
Ross: Nothing I do means anything. Really.
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay $200 for dinner. You put down $20 and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here. I'll tell you what. You pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot. All right?
Ross: [to Rachel] Well, "Mr. Big Shot" is better than "Wet-Head."