Joey: By the way, before I forget. To work in soap operas, some of you are gonna have to become much more attractive.

Rachel: Hi, Daddy.
Dr. Green: This is where they put us? What? There was no table in the kitchen?

Dr. Green: Wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Ross: You don't need that.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Ross: I mean, the carbon. It's messy. I mean, gets on your fingers and causes the ... night blindness.

Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor. So if I have a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers and just start pulling.

Joey: Or let's say I want to convey that I've just done something evil. That would be your basic I've-got-a-fish-hook-in-my-eyebrow-and-l-like-it.

Joey: Let's say I've just gotten bad news. Well, all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. And that's how it's done.

Phoebe: I don't know, Monica. It feels funny just being here. If you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband, it's like betraying Chandler.
Monica: Not at these prices.

Joey: Oh, and I got an audition for All My Children. It's this great part. This boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it. He's just like me. Except that he's a boxer ... and has an evil twin.

Delivery Man: Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from the Mattress King. You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Delivery Man: Sign here.
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name? All right. Monica "Felula" Geller.

Delivery Man: Which bedroom do you want it in, Ms. Geller?
Phoebe: It's the compulsively neat one by the window.