Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm sorry. It's just-
Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?
Rachel: He's got this thing and I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor.
Dr. Green: You still going to that chiropractor? The man couldn't get into med school in lxtapa!
Ross: Thank you. That's what I keep saying.

Dr. Green: You know what's really good here? The lobster. What do you say, shall I just order three?
Ross: Yeah. If you're really hungry. It was a joke. I made a joke.
Rachel: Actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green: What kind of person's allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works in a library.
Ross: It's not-
Dr. Green: I know. It's a museum! You're the only who can make a joke? At least mine was funny. Waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. [gestures apologetically]

Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?
Dr. Green: They found rust. Do you know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: Gives it a nice antique-y look?
Dr. Green: Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow, I'm sorry. When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.

Joey: There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it. I advised a fellow actor to play a role ... homosexually. We both auditioned for the part and, as it turned out, they they liked the stupid "gay" thing and cast him. And now he's got a two-year contract opposite Susan Lucci, the first lady of daytime television. And me? Me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV.

Joey: [humming in his head]
Phoebe: [inner monologue] Who's singing?

Chandler: Okay, if this bed isn't new, then how come there's plastic on the mattress?
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams.

Gunther: [inner monologue] What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.

Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please. He refers to me as "Wet-Head."

[to a kid sitting on a race car bed]
Phoebe: You know, in England this car would be on the other side of the store. Whoosh!

Joey: Now on my first day as Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days Of Our Lives, I learned one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting. This does not mean acting again.
It means you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes something like this. [nods, gasps] Thanks. Thanks a lot.