Monica: Okay, then. I don't stink. I'm a good chef!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't want to go. I'm having fun.
Teacher: Well, actually, did either of you pay for this class?
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. If my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.

Chandler: Also, I was the point person on my company's transition from the KL5 to GR6 systems.
Mr. Tyler: You must have had your hands full.
Chandler: That I did. That I did.
Mr. Tyler: So let's talk a little bit about your duties.
Chandler: My duties? All right.
Mr. Tyler: Now, you'll be heading a division, so you'll have a lot of duties.
Chandler: I see.
Mr. Tyler: But there'll be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Chandler: Good to know.
Mr. Tyler: We could go into detail-
Chandler: No, don't, I beg of you.

Ross: Do you not like Katie?
Rachel: No. No, she was nice. I mean, she was a little slutty, but who isn't?
Ross: Well, I liked her.
Rachel: Well, of course you did, Ross. You would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones.

Rachel: Oh, Ross, thank you. Thank you.
Ross: You feel better?
Rachel: No, not really. You're pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. Okay.
Ross: Hey, Rach?
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: Just one thing. Um. We live together. You're having our baby. I'm not gonna see anybody else. Are you sure you don't want something more?
Rachel: Wow. I don't know, maybe-
Ross: Oh, Rach, I was just messing around. Like you did last night when I had to pee?
Rachel: Oh! I knew that. I knew that. I was just messing with you too.
Ross: Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you seemed-
Rachel: No, no, no, no, no. That's just because I'm such a good messer.
Ross: Rach?
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: The bathroom?
Rachel: Right.

Monica: Oh, look. Acting for Beginners. Hey, wanna feel good about yourself?
Joey: What the hell.
Acting Teacher: All right. Let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
Joey: Yeah, this was a stupid idea.

Katie: I love your neighborhood. There's a great gym around the corner.
Ross: That's my gym.
Katie: I could tell you work out. A paleontologist who works out. You're like Indiana Jones.
Ross: I am like Indiana Jones.

Monica: Oh, my God, this is horrible.
Chandler: I'm so sorry.
Monica: I'm so humiliated.
Rachel: Yeah, but you know what they say, Mon. There's no such thing as bad press.
Monica: You don't think that "the chef's mahi-mahi was awful-awful" is bad press?
Rachel: I didn't write it.

Ross: So, what's the matter?
Rachel: I don't want you to date her.
Ross: Why? What, are you jealous?
Rachel: Yes. And not because I want you to go out with me. Because I don't want you to go out with anybody. Okay, I know it's a terrible thing to even think this and it's completely inappropriate but I want you to be at my constant beck and call, 24 hours a day. I'm very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I won't date. I'll- I'll be here with you all the time.
Rachel: Really? But I'm being so unreasonable.
Ross: True, but you're allowed to be unreasonable. You're having our baby.

Ross: Hey, you guys. I got some bad news.
Phoebe: What? That's no way to sell newspapers. Why don't you try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!"

Monica: Hey. Oh, my God. Look at all the newspapers. It must be a good review. Is it great?
Ross: Um...
Monica: Oh, dear God.
Ross: But the good news is, no one in a two-block radius will ever know.
Monica: What about the rest of Manhattan?
Ross: Yeah, they all know.