‘The One with Ross's Sandwich’
Season 5, Episode 9 - Aired December 10, 1998
After somebody at Ross's work eats his Thanksgiving leftover sandwich, he turns to Phoebe for advice on how to appear threatening. Meanwhile, Phoebe regrets inviting Rachel to a literature class when she doesn't bother to read the book, and Joey gets fed up of covering for Chandler and Monica.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: Okay, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.
Phoebe: No, you should have read it yourself.
Rachel: Come on, Phoebe, don't be such a goody-goody.
Phoebe: Fine. All right. So, Jane Eyre? First of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.
Rachel: A cyborg? Isn't that like a robot?
Phoebe: Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Since that video camera thing didn't work out I thought that I would give you just a little preview.
Chandler: You're naked in this picture.
Monica: I know!
Quote from Ross
Chandler: Ross?
Ross: Hey, Chandler. Monica.
Monica: Ross, are you okay?
Ross: I'm fine. I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica: Why?
Ross: On account of my rage.
Chandler: Which, if I may say, right now is out of control.
Ross: He gave me a pill for it.
Monica: A pill?
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss, I started to get worked up again. So he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought it was a good idea. So I took it.
Quote from Ross
Monica: Wait a minute. They're making you take time off work?
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
Ross: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while. But I definitely don't care about my sandwich.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Wait. Just wait. Everybody just calm down, okay? Let's give our friend, Joey, a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert.
Quote from Ross
Rachel: What is the truth?
Ross: Yeah. What's up?
Phoebe: What's going on?
Joey: I slept with Monica.
Chandler: Well, let's see what everybody thinks of that.
Monica: Oh, no.
Ross: You slept with my sister?
Joey: Yes, but it was- We just did it once, in London.
Ross: This is not good for my rage. [gets his pill bottle out]
Quote from Monica
Monica: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.
Quote from Joey
Joey: That's it. I'm tired of covering for you two. This has got to stop. Argh! And tighty-whiteys? What are you, 8?
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: Okay, look. You want to hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Ross: Really? So what would you say, Phoebe? Stuff like: "Keep your mitts off my grub."
Chandler: Say, Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Quote from Rachel
Phoebe: Okay, why didn't you just say you hadn't read the book?
Rachel: Because I didn't want him to think I was stupid. I mean, that was really embarrassing, what happened to you.