Rachel: Look, I was thinking, if it's okay with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.
Ross: I think that's a great idea. It'll be like the Pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.

Monica: So welcome. Is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy: Yeah, I think so. It's nice to meet you, Emma.
Phoebe: Phoebe.
Amy: That's a funny noise.

Amy: Where's the baby?
Rachel: We just put her down for a nap.
Amy: Listen, I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died!
Ross: Thank you, Amy.
Amy: No, no, then I would get the baby. I mean, you know, it would be just like a movie. At first I wouldn't know what to do with her. And then I would rise to the occasion. Then I'd get a makeover and get married.
Phoebe: That's a great movie!

Amy: You know, this is such a slap in the face. I mean, I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Rachel: Monica is Ross's sister.
Amy: No, Ross' sister was really fat.
Monica: That was me.
Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in school who used to follow Rachel around like a puppy-
Rachel: Amy, you have got to stop doing that.

Chandler: I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
Ross: No. You both are equally capable. It's just you're strongest when you're together.
Chandler: Okay. So if we both had Emma, and I died she'd have to give her up.
Ross: Sure. Monica would have to give her up.
Joey: I lie better than that, right?

Monica: Hey, there you are. You disappeared after dinner.
Chandler: Oh, did somebody miss me? Was there a child to raise poorly?
Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean, it's not like they're so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five-year-old condom.

Monica: I wanna have a kid with you because I think you'll be an amazing dad. At the fun parts and at the hard parts.
Chandler: Yeah. Well, can you picture me saying, "Go to your room, you're grounded"?
Monica: Can you hear me say, "You're grounded"?
Chandler: You said that to me last week.
Monica: How hard is it? "No shoes on the furniture!"

Phoebe: It doesn't matter. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember, and it doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Joey: I like that. Yeah. I wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Phoebe: Ooh. What happened?
Joey: Uh, my sister's raccoon came-
Phoebe: No, nothing with a raccoon.

Ross: Hey, dude, you okay? Sorry about before.
Chandler: Oh, no. That's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die you don't get Joey.

Amy: In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you. You know, this is just- This is classic Rachel.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?