Rachel: I'm making him a very fancy meal. What am I making him, by the way?
Monica: A frisee salad with goat cheese and pine nuts wild rice, roasted asparagus and salmon en croute.
Rachel: I thought I was making him filet mignon.
Monica: Yeah, you were. But then you decided to make salmon because you had some left over. Then you realized if you bitched about it, then you would stop cooking and you would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
Rachel: Wow. I really get crabby when I cook.

Carol: How's Ben?
Ross: Well, I asked if he wanted to eat. He said no. I asked if he wanted to sleep. He said no. I asked what he wanted to do. He said no. So he's sweeping.

Mrs. Burgin: Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Rachel: What, this? Oh, no, no, no. That's not what it is. See. Okay, I work in fashion. And this is a real dress, actually. It's- They're wearing it in Milan. So part of my job is to wear the clothes and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdale's. Obviously, in this case I am going to report back: "U.S.A. not ready."
Mr. Burgin: Maybe in L.A.
Rachel: Yes.

Phoebe: So what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull off "Clint."
Chandler: Okay, so what name am l cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Umm, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. It's Clint.
Joey: See you later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. Clint.
Joey: What's up with Gene?

Phoebe: You're actually going through with this?
Chandler: Look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. It's probably why kids picked on me and why I never do well with women. So as of four o'clock tomorrow, I'll either be Mark Johnson or John Markson.

Ross: I don't know what you're talking about. I am not a crazy, jealous person.
Rachel: Huh. She's totally right. When we were together, you got all freaked out about Mark, and there was nothing going on.
Monica: This totally makes sense.
Ross: It does not.
Monica: Oh, sure it does. In high school, you weren't jealous at all even though all your girlfriends were cheating on you.
Phoebe: All right, all right. So up until '92, '93, he was very trusting. Then '94 hit, Carol left him, and bam! Paranoid City.
Rachel: Absolutely.
Monica: This is so fun.
Ross: This is not fun!

Alice: Anyway, since there are three babies and we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honored if you would name the other boy baby.
Phoebe: Wow. That's so nice. Ooh, ooh. Cougar.
Alice: You think about it.

Phoebe: I've decided I'm definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: Oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Joey: Someone you didn't make up.

Chandler: Help. Am I a Mark or a John?
Joey: You're not tall enough to be a Mark. But you might make a good Barney.

Chandler: Joey? Come on, think about it. First of all, he'll never be President. I mean, there's never going to be a President Joey.
Joey: All right, look, man, I didn't want to bring this up. But Chandler is the stupidest name I've ever heard in my life. It's not a name. It's barely even a word, okay? It's kind of like chandelier, but it's not. All right, it's a stupid, stupid, non-name.