‘The One with Phoebe's Uterus’
Season 4, Episode 11 - Aired January 8, 1998
Phoebe's half-brother, Frank Jr., asks her for a huge favor. Meanwhile, Ross gets Joey a job at the museum, and Rachel and Monica help Chandler improve his performance in the bedroom for Kathy.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You know we work in a museum of natural history. And yet, there is something ... unnatural ... about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and you know what I see? I see division. Division between people in white coats and people in blue blazers. And I ask myself, "My God, why?" Now, I say we shed these, these coats that separate us. And we get to know the people underneath.
I'm Ross. I'm divorced and I have a kid.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: My mom was right. If I can't give him up there's no way I can give up a little baby. Frank and Alice are going to be so crushed. What else can I give them? A kidney!
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: You guys, why didn't you tell me you were eloping?
Frank: I don't know. It just sort of happened. We were at court, eating lunch-
Phoebe: Wait. Why were you at the courthouse?
Frank: We were having lunch. All of a sudden, we were like we're here, we're having lunch. Let's get married.
Quote from Phoebe
Ross: My God.
Monica: Are you serious?
Joey: You're really thinking of having sex with your brother?
Phoebe: Ew! And, oh, no. They just want me to be the surrogate. It's her egg and his sperm. I'm just the oven. It's totally their bun.
Quote from Joey
Joey: I'm Joey. I'm an actor. I don't know squat about dinosaurs.
Quote from Monica
[Kathy comes into the apartment and hugs Monica]
Kathy: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes, thank you!
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: I'm sorry I'm late.
Phoebe Abbott: That's okay. It gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
Phoebe: Wow. You really go all out when you're expecting company.
Phoebe Abbott: No, I was working on my pottery.
Phoebe: Oh! I didn't know that you did ... pot.
Phoebe Abbott: Oh yeah, but mostly nudes. It combines my two favorite passions: pottery and erotica.
Phoebe: Erottery.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: When we're in the audience, he doesn't talk but he does wave.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: It'll be a million times harder to give up a baby, but oh, my God. It's going to feel a million times better, right?
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Guess what. Frank Jr. and Alice got married.
Rachel: Oh, my God.
Phoebe: And they're going to have a baby.
Chandler: Whoa.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: And, and they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. [stunned silence]