Judge: Is there anything in this record that is actually true?
Rachel: Well, yes. We got married in Vegas. And the names, I think.
Judge: Well, based on what I've heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you don't wanna be together, you'll have to file for divorce.
Ross: That's great. You happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form.
Rachel: What? Me? What about you and your "consummated like bunnies" nonsense?

Monica: He's got something plastic lodged into his throat. We've got to go to the hospital.
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor won't be able to help him. And it's just gonna, you know,
naturally pass through his system in, like, seven years.
Chandler: I think that's gum.
Phoebe: I'm pretty sure it's gun.

Rachel: That was totally your fault.
Ross: My fault? You threatened the judge.
Rachel: Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporter's machine.
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!

Joey: Hi. How are the Gellers?
Rachel: Don't call us that.
Ross: The judge wouldn't let us get an annulment. Now we gotta get a divorce. Did a Porsche throw up on you?
Joey: Hey, it's "Porsche-a"!

Ross: I gotta say, I know I divorce a lot of women. Never thought I'd be divorcing you.
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, that would be the one that stuck. And it wouldn't be a secret. And we wouldn't have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut.
Ross: [chuckles] Did I even treat?
Rachel: No, it was on the house. It was a newlywed special.
Ross: That may be the most depressing thing I've heard in my life.

Joey: Oh, why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?
Guy: Maybe because you've got the keys?

Rachel: I kind of have a little confession.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Well, you know, this whole marriage thing. Kind of my idea.
Ross: Excuse me?
Rachel: Well, remember how we were too drunk to remember anything the night we were married?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: And I didn't really wanna say anything, but it just kind of kept coming back to me. And, remember, we were in the casino, and for some reason you thought it'd be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So, as a compromise, we decided first to get married and then-
Ross: -to eat a lot of grapes.
Rachel: -to eat a lot of grapes. So, um, sorry I got us into this whole thing.
Ross: So then, I mean, if you think about it this is all your fault.
Rachel: Yeah, don't push it, though.

Rachel: I cannot believe that you didn't tell me we are still married.
Ross: Look, I was going to tell you.
Rachel: When? After the birth of our first secret child?

Ross: Rach, come on. If you think about it, it's actually kind of funny. [laughs] Okay. Maybe it's best not to think about it.
Phoebe: This is inexcusable. I'm shocked to my very core.
Ross: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.
Phoebe: Another lie. You have a sickness.

Chandler: Ross, just for my own peace of mind, you're not married to any more of us are you?