Phoebe: I know what time you said.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Well, actually I know what time Chester and Marsha said.
Monica: What time?
Phoebe: What an interesting turn of events. Suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? Let's see. Oh, very interesting. Well this certainly clears things up.
Chandler: What does it say?
Phoebe: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. It's a great book and you are the queen of everything.
Phoebe: Thanks. So are you.
Chandler: I told you I should not wear this color.
Phoebe: All right. "Monica- Marsha and Chester are planning on seeing a movie Sunday night.
Marsha thinks they're supposed to meet at 6:00. Chester thinks it's at 7:00."
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie?
Phoebe: That's right.
Monica: And instead of telling us, you decided to write it in your stupid book?
Phoebe: "Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis."

Joey: I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job.
Chandler: I'm so sorry, man. Is there anything I can do?
Joey: Yeah. Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.

Wayne: Joey, I'll get you your job back if you help me out.
Joey: Why should I help you out?
Chandler: The reason he just said.
Joey: What do you need?

Wayne: Listen, I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.
Joey: Oh, well, Wayne. It's not really something you can teach. It's pretty much something you're born with. ... You can teach it. I can show you right now.

Rachel: Well, if you think about it Ross did learn something from each marriage.
Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?
Rachel: Now, wait a minute. That's not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was to Emily. He just didn't tell me. Maybe I have to pee again.

Phoebe: No, I'm just deciding which one to use. I'm going to start writing another book.
Rachel: Because the last one was such a big seller?
Phoebe: Well, if you must know, I have written 14 books. And as I'm the only one who has read them, l can tell you that they have all been very well received.

Joey: Excuse me. Joey Tribbiani.
Estelle: Joe! I'm glad I found you. I got an audition for you.
Joey: Wow.
Estelle: The thing is, it's kind of on the q.t. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series. Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Estelle: Uh-oh.

Phoebe: No, Joey, you're gonna be great.
Joey: But I gotta act with a robot and I don't know anything about technology. I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn. And that's only because it's right there when you turn it on.
Monica: I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month.
Phoebe: [seductively, to Chandler] I'll be waiting.

Monica: Hey, Pheebs. How's the book writing going?
Phoebe: Really well. I'm up to page 47.
Monica: Wow. What are you writing?
Phoebe: Page numbers.

Rachel: Oh, wait. And "On the 19th, a secret crush announces itself." [Phoebe flirts at Chandler]