Rachel: Who wrote it?
Ross: Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.
Joey: Hey, do you still have their exams?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Because you could just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and, boom, there's your admirer.
Chandler: A hot girl's at stake, and all of a sudden he's Rain Man.

Phoebe: Oh, Chandler, Monica's looking for you.
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah. She said something about crummies.
Chandler: No, no, no. I was so careful.

Ross: Hey. I just got my teacher evaluations. Check out what this one student wrote. "I loved Dr. Geller's class. Mind-blowing lectures. Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the Paleontology Department."
Chandler: Ah, "Hotties of Paleontology." There's a big-selling calendar, eh?

Joey: Now, listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday, okay, so I gotta get in there by Thursday. Just remember Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Chandler: Yeah, so Tuesday?
Joey: Thursday! Look, if you need help remembering, just think of it like this: The third day. All right, Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when, huh, what day? Thursday! The third day, okay?
Chandler: Thank you.

Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Phoebe: It's bad, it's really bad. The only thing in there that isn't burned is an ax, which I do not remember buying.

Fireman: So you ladies won't be able to live here for a while. You have a place to stay?
Rachel: Oh! Wow! Okay, look, pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now. But if you give me your number, I will call you some other time.

Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire, Mr. Fireman?
Fireman: Well, do either of you smoke?
Phoebe: No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now.

Monica: Now, this is last-minute, so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
Phoebe: Oh, who cares?
Rachel: Oh, my God! It sure didn't look this way when I lived here.
Monica: I know!

Phoebe: So did you sleep well last night?
Rachel: I did.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Rachel: Monica was so sweet. She left a little mint on my pillow.
Phoebe: Know what Joey left on my pillow? Gum.

Monica: It's the fire inspector.
Phoebe: Hello? Yeah, this is Phoebe. Really?
[across the hall:]
Joey: [on the phone, nasally voice] Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair-straightener
that started the fire. No, no. It was the candles. Yeah. It's very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is ... [Phoebe enters] ... okay, well I have to go now.