‘The One Where Heckles Dies’
Season 2, Episode 3 - Aired October 5, 1995
When Monica and Rachel's downstairs neighbor, Mr. Heckles, dies, he leaves his entire estate to the "noisy girls in the apartment above" his. After breaking up with a woman over a minor imperfection, Chandler gets an unwelcome glimpse of his future in Mr. Heckles' possesions. Meanwhile, Ross and Phoebe argue over the legitimacy of the theory of evolution.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
Monica: Rachel, I think we have enough regular lamps.
Rachel: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girlie clock or anything. Which, by the way, I also think is really cool.
Quote from Rachel
Monica: Look, it doesn't go with any of my stuff.
Rachel: Well, what about my stuff?
Monica: You don't have any stuff.
Rachel: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
Monica: Mmm, no.
Rachel: Yes, you do. You think of it as your apartment and I'm someone who just rents a room.
Monica: Mmm-
Rachel: Okay. While you "mmm" on that, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
Chandler: How do you know that? How?
Joey: I don't know. I'm just trying to help you out.
Chandler: You'll see. You guys are all gonna go off and get married and I'm going to end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
Joey: Well, I mean, I don't know what we'll be doing. I mean, what if we're over at her folks' place?
Chandler: Yeah, I understand.
Joey: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
Janice: Hello.
Chandler: Oh, my God!
Joey: Jeez, look how fat she got.
Quote from Rachel
Monica: You've got to get over this. You're not going to end up alone.
Chandler: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Rachel: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
Monica: You are not a freak. You're a guy.
Rachel: She's right. You're no different than the rest of them.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Whoa, what you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break?
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman Allison from work. She is great. She's pretty, she's smart. And I've been holding off asking her out in the past, because she has a ... unusually large head. But I'm not going to let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me, I'm growing.
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: This one guy stopped seeing me because because his cat didn't like me.
Phoebe: Or this guy dumped me because I fell asleep during Spinal Tap.
Chandler: You fell asleep during Spinal Tap?