‘The One After 'I Do'’
Season 8, Episode 1 - Aired September 27, 2001
Monica and Chandler's wedding reception threatens to be upstaged by the news that someone's pregnant. After learning that the pregnancy test didn't belong to Monica, Phoebe covers for Rachel by saying she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Joey tries to impress a Broadway director and Ross meets an attractive woman at the reception.
Quote from Monica
Photographer: Now, why don't we get a shot of Monica and the bloody soldier.
Monica: Oh, about that, Joey you have to change before the party.
Joey: I can't. I don't have any other clothes here.
Monica: Find some. Please. Anything that doesn't say, "I died tragically in France."
Quote from Chandler
Photographer: Monica, if you could step away. We'll get Chandler and the bridesmaids.
Phoebe: How about just the bridesmaids?
Chandler: You know, I am the groom, right? I was told it was kind of a big deal.
Phoebe: It is.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: Thank you for doing that. I just can't deal with this just quite yet.
Phoebe: So instead you told me Monica was pregnant?
Rachel: You said that she was, I just didn't disagree with you.
Phoebe: Sneaky.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: By the way, James Brolin?
Phoebe: Oh, I know. I could only think of two names: Him and Ed Begley Jr. And then I remembered he's gay, so-
Rachel: Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.
Phoebe: Really?
Quote from Monica
Monica: Oh, sweet Lord.
Joey: I'm sorry, okay? I went down to the gift shop and it was either this or a bathrobe. Look, what's more important? The way I'm dressed or me being here with you on your special day?
Monica: Honey, I'm not even going to pretend I was listening.
Quote from Joey
Chandler: What size shoes do you wear?
Joey: Uh, eleven. Eleven and a half.
Chandler: Great. My shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor. Can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Joey: I don't really even know where I left them, so-
Chandler: Those aren't eleven and a half.
Joey: Okay, fine, I'm a 7! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good. I'll show you!
Quote from Rachel
Monica: Well, I talked to her and she's definitely going to have the baby. She's gonna raise it on her own.
Rachel: Well, maybe that's really brave.
Monica: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.
Rachel: Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that much.
Monica: Well, there's a lot to think about. I mean, how is she gonna handle this financially? How's she gonna juggle work? Does she realize she's not gonna have a date again for the next, like, 18 years?
Rachel: [sobbing] I don't know.
Monica: Are you okay?
Rachel: Uh-huh. I'm just thinking about Phoebe. Poor, knocked-up Phoebe.
Quote from Rachel
Waiter: Champagne?
Rachel: Oh, yes. Thank you very much. [Rachel takes a sip, then spits it back into her glass] That's actually how the French drink it.
Quote from Phoebe
Monica: Who's the father?
Phoebe: Oh, no. She won't tell us.
Monica: Come on! It's my wedding. That could be my present.
Rachel: Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.
Phoebe: See, this is why you register.
Quote from Joey
Joey: So, did you happen to catch my toast?
Dennis: Oh, my God. That was for my benefit?
Joey: Well, I like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know you're casting for this new show.
Dennis: Look, Joey, I don't think you're quite right for this project.
Joey: See, that's where you're wrong. Whatever it is, I can do it. And if you didn't see it up there, just try me.
Dennis: It's an all-Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese?
Joey: Well, I'm not proud of this, but-
Dennis: Oh, my God. No, no, no. Please don't.