Roz: Okay, Noel, that was good, but you need to tell Frasier the name of the caller, the town they're calling form, and why they're calling.
Noel: Okay. You know, maybe I would learn more if you sat down behind me and guided my hands, like they did in Ghost.

Frasier: Listen, Noel, I'm afraid I have some bad news about the, uh, science fiction convention.
Noel: Uh-oh!
Frasier: Long story short, you see, I attended an art opening and a luncheon on Saturday, and even though I left the luncheon early the traffic on the way to the convention was just awful and by the time I got there, Mr. Bakula and all the others had gone.
Noel: No...! You made a promise and you welshed on it. Why'd you do it, Dr. Crane?

Noel: Hi, Dr. Crane. Could you sign this petition someone "anonymously" posted in the lunchroom? It's to the
talented producers of "Star Trek," suggesting a new character.
Frasier: "The all-powerful space vixen Rozalinda, four-breasted queen of the planet Rozniak!" I'll sign that.
Roz: Frasier!
Frasier: Well, Roz, television will never improve unless the viewers speak out.

Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, let's please welcome Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. Good to see you, sir.
Bill Gates: Sorry I was late.
Frasier: That's quite all right.
Bill Gates: I was just talking to an old friend.
Frasier: Yes.
[Noel walks by the window and gives Bill Gates a "Vulcan Salute". Bill gives him a thumbs up]

Niles: Did I overhear you say you want to learn Hebrew?
Frasier: Not learn it, I'm saving that pleasure for retirement. But I have composed a speech and I-I'd like to say it in Hebrew.
Noel: Well, I can translate and teach you how to say it if you want.
Frasier: You can? Really? Oh, Noel, thank you.
Noel: Of course, I'll expect a little something quid pro quo.
Frasier: Certainly, whatever you'd like.
Noel: Great. The Seattle Star Trek convention is this weekend, and all the Enterprise captains are making an appearance. I need Scott Bakula's autograph to make my collection complete.
Frasier: Noel, isn't this something you could do yourself?
Noel: I would, but William Shatner's restraining order against me is still in effect. It's so stupid. It wasn't even a real phaser.

Frasier: Noel, how did you know I would do it?
Noel: What do you mean?
Frasier: Well, you must have known I would do this for you, or you wouldn't be carrying around a picture of Scott Bakula, right?
Noel: ... Right.

Frasier: But with all due respect, Noel, perhaps weaning yourself off science fiction might be the first step toward achieving a genuine, meaningful, grownup person's life! Just a friendly suggestion.
Noel: You're right. You did your best and that's good enough for me.
Frasier: Thank you, Noel. So, you'll still be my tutor?
Noel: Sure.
Frasier: Good man. Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow. [exits]
Noel: Oh, yes, you will see me tomorrow. And by the rings of Septaurus Five you will pay, Dr. Crane. You... [sees Kenny] Oh hi, Kenny! ...will pay!

Noel: Well, well. The fox and the hound working together. How ironic.
Roz: I'm just taking care of him until Frasier gets back from Boston. By the way, he left you something.
Noel: He did?
Roz: Yeah.
[Noel opens the box which contains a black wig and a certificate of authenticity]
Roz: Wow. A wig? That's cruel even for Frasier.
Noel: Cruel? It's only the wig Joan Collins wore in Star Trek #28, "City on the Edge of Forever." It's probably still got her DNA in it.

Frasier: Kenny, this is not amateur hour. My show is already suffering enough just losing Roz. I will not let you replace her with a complete novice.
Kenny: Come on, don't you remember when you were a young whippersnapper with nothing but a pantload of talent and a headful of dreams?
Frasier: Are we still talking about Noel?
Noel: Five seconds to launch, Dr. Crane.

Frasier: In the meantime, we have with us today Noel Shempsky, a KACL employee whose sole qualification for this job seems to be that he has never taken a sick day.
Noel: Good afternoon, listeners, near and stars away. Our first query comes from a Class M planet we call Earth, and appears to be personal in nature. Oh, and his name is Glen.
Frasier: Go ahead, Glen, I'm listening.