Roz: Can I say something?
Frasier: No!
Brandy: "Look, I could deal with the other problems, if it weren't for one thing. All my life I've dreamed of being a career woman, but he says I'm not allowed to work. I'm supposed to sit home all day, let him take care of me. So, what do you think, doc? Should I marry him?
Frasier: Well, taking into account the years you've invested in the relationship, and Jerome's obvious love for you, not to mention his generosity.
Brandy: "So what? Tell me what you think, Dr. Crane, 'cause I really, really respect you."
Frasier: Brandy. Run! Save yourself. Do not marry this man. This is Dr Frasier Crane, saying goodnight, and see you, God willing, tomorrow.

Frasier: Yes, I'll have a non-fat, decaf latte, please. Oh, what the hell? Look, make it a full-fat mocha with extra whipped cream. What the hell, put a slice of bacon on it.

Niles: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Niles! Oh, God! Don't do that!
Niles: Sorry. [to waiter] Double espresso, please. [to Frasier] I heard you on the radio today. I thought what you did was noble. To what South American nation will you be fleeing?
Frasier: Oh, like I'd tell you. One minute of interrogation and you would crack like a Jordan almond.

Jerome: But, Jerome, I'm sorry, how could I have advised her otherwise? She said that you cheated on her.
Jerome: She said she suspected me. I've never cheated on Miss Brandy.
Frasier: All right, be that as it may, how can I advise her to marry a man who's so controlling that he won't even allow her to work?
Jerome: It may interest you to know that over the years I've called in favors to get Miss Brandy fourteen jobs. She lost all of them.
Frasier: So you're saying she's had trouble finding her niche?
Jerome: No, I'm saying she's a dodo. Now, you may love a dodo, you may think the dodo is beautiful, you may even wish to marry the dodo. But you do not encourage a dodo to fly! Now, when she loses these jobs it makes her very unhappy. So for her sake I said, "No more jobs." But now, in order to convince her to marry me, I've had to reverse this policy.
Frasier: So she has agreed to marry you?
Jerome: If I get her a job. And not just any job. A job that she can never lose. A job where if she burns the place down, they will apologize to her for having made it so flammable.
Niles: Well, good luck finding someone who'll hire her.
[Frasier and Jerome share a look, before turning to Niles]
Niles: Oh.

Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, your brother called. The court time for your tennis game is 11 o'clock.
Frasier: Oh, good Lord. I distinctly told him I wasn't available until noon.
Martin: Hey, if you're going to call him back, put it on the speakerphone.
Frasier: Dad, don't you think this is getting a little old?
Daphne: Well I think it's just mean, is what I think.
Martin: So sue me, I enjoy it.
[Frasier presses speed dial. Brandy answers the phone.]
Brandy: "Good morning! Niles Crane, p-sych-iatrist."
Frasier: Yes, is Dr. Crane there? This is his brother, Frasier.
Brandy: "Oh, hi, Dr. Crane. It's me, Brandy. Hang on, hon, I'm getting another call. I've got to put you on hold- [call disconnects]"

Niles: I'm going down to that precinct house, and I'm not leaving until I get justice. Well, not exactly justice, I suppose, more like preferential treatment, but I'm not leaving 'til I get it.

Roz: Oh. Okay fine, you little weasel. Just forget it. I was going to help you, but Maris can just rot in the slammer.
Niles: Oh, Roz, I was joshing. I know how you enjoy our little by-play! That weasel line, ouch, touché!
Roz: You know what, you're even more annoying when you grovel.
Niles: Zing! Got me again!

Frasier: Sounds just a tad shady, Roz. You mean he went to somehoodlum?
Roz: Well, I wouldn't use the word "hoodlum" in front of him. Just think of him as a guy who makes wishes come true. Like a fairy godfather. Another word I wouldn't use in front of him.

Frasier: Are you mad? I will not have you turning a minor, albeit annoying situation into a- a Martin Scorsese film!

Frasier: Yes, whatever happened to the days when a parent would take a wayward child by the hand, march them back to the scene of the crime and make them say, "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, it'll never happen again"?