Niles: You don't understand what this means to me. When Maris asked me for this favor, do you know what she said? She said, "Niles, will you be my Commodore?"
Frasier: Her Commodore?
Niles: That's what she used to call her father. Frasier, there was no problem so great that that man couldn't fix it.
Frasier: I'm sure.
Niles: Remember that lovely jeweled crucifix Maris picked up on her first communion trip to Rome? Who do you think smoothed things over with the Vatican?

Frasier: Well, I must admit, Niles, it is not entirely unpleasant to rub shoulders with the demi-monde. I definitely felt a real testosterone surge, you know?
Niles: Me too, me too! It's like an actual tingling in my chest. And now it's gone. There it is again! And now it's
gone.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, it must be your cellular phone vibrating.
Niles: Oh, it is. Oh, you're right.

Jerome: Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Jerome. Look Niles, it's Jerome. In my house.
Daphne: We've been having the most delightful chat.
Jerome: Dr. Crane, you're a lucky young man to have such a charming young woman in your employ.
Daphne: Oh, go on. Did you know his brother supplied the cement for this very building?
Niles: What a small world.

Martin: So Jerome, you didn't tell us what line of work you're in.
Daphne: Oh wait, let me guess! I'm a bit psychic. Oh, let's see. You're some sort of doctor. An osteopath, perhaps?
Jerome: No.
Daphne: Well, that's odd. I can see you hovering over people with broken bones.

Martin: Are you guys nuts? You don't get involved with somebody like that.
Niles: Wait, before we panic, we should at least talk to him. You know, get the "straight dope." Also known as "the skinny."
Frasier: Knock it off, Bugsy!

Jerome: This is at the dog track where we met. And here's our first Sinatra Concert. And this was at the funeral of a business associate.
Frasier: You know, for the life of me, I can't recall ever having seen a woman wearing so many different kinds of furs all at the same time.
Jerome: Well, Brandy is a uniquely stylish woman.
Niles: Brandy?
Jerome: Yeah, the traditional spelling.

Jerome: She's a great fan of your show. I'm sure she'd heed any advice that you might care to offer. Such as "Marry him. Promptly." [laughs] But I'm not here to put words into your mouth. You'll know what to say.
Frasier: Jerome, you know I'm a psychiatrist. I'm used to rendering my opinion, not being a mouthpiece for someone else. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.
Jerome: Ah, Dr. Crane. Some times in life we must do unpleasant things. I'd hate to tell you some of the unpleasant things I've had to do.
Frasier: I see. Well then, why don't you just give Brandy my unlisted home number, which I'm sure you came across when you were finding out where I lived. I'll be glad to chat with her.
Jerome: Thank you. She'll be in touch. And I hope that one day you'll dance at my wedding.
[As Jerome leaves]
Frasier: If I'm able to dance.

Martin: Listen, I've heard your show. One more piece of half-assed advice isn't going to kill you. Jerome, on the other hand...
Frasier: Okay, Dad!

Frasier: The key to lasting weight-loss is to change the way you view food everyday. You can't go on through life bingeing and then starving yourself for two weeks just to fit into that gorgeous new evening gown you've bought for a special occasion. Can you understand that?
Steve: "Yeah, thanks, Doc."
Frasier: Don't mention it, Steve.

Brandy: "Mystery I could stand, if he didn't neglect me so much. I mean, every time we go for a romantic dinner he gets a phone call and bang, it's 'Gotta work, babe. Finish your lobster. I'll send you a limo.'"
Frasier: Lobster? Limo? My God, give me his number and I'll marry him.
Brandy: "Money ain't everything, especially when you've got a sex life like ours..."
Roz: He's not even good in bed?
Brandy: "Who knows? We're never there long enough to find out."
Frasier: You know, this really isn't necessary-
Brandy: "I said to him last night, 'What the hell was that? I've been vaccinated slower!'"
Frasier: Well, that just leaves more time to cuddle!