Robert: You don't think I'm gay? Then why was I outed at breakfast?
Ray: Come on, you know Mom and Dad. You say one thing, and they're off and running.
Robert: And what was that one thing? Robert's man-crazy?
Ray: I wouldn't say that. I'd say something like "Robert has lovely little knick-knacks on his mantel."
Robert: They are lovely.
Ray: Okay. So what?
Robert: I got them at an antique fair.
Ray: All right, whatever! Look, I was kidding. I'm sorry that I talked to Mom and Dad. I always am.

Robert: Well, no, listen, I never considered it, but look at me. I'm divorced, breakups left and right. I don't know, Raymond. If the whole family thinks I am...
Ray: Will you stop it? They don't think you're gay! They're just confused. Maybe you shouldn't have worn that shirt today.
Robert: Oh, hey, I didn't buy this shirt. Ma bought it for me.

Ray: Oh, look, this whole thing is Debra's fault. She put the idea in my head that if you were gay-
Robert: Debra thinks I'm gay too?!
Ray: No! No one thinks you're gay! Except for maybe Amy.
Robert: Oh, only the woman I was sleeping with?
Ray: Look, Amy's got nothing to compare it with. She was a virgin when you met her. Come on, you've got nothing to worry about. Jeez.

Robert: Hey, Ray, let me ask you something. Do you ever notice guys?
Ray: What do you mean?
Robert: Well, like if a guy is really cut, you know, when you're at the gym, you ever notice him?
Ray: No.
Robert: Oh.
Ray: Do you?
Robert: A little bit, yeah.
Ray: So what? So you notice him a little, so what? That's normal.
Robert: Then why don't you?
Ray: All right, I notice a little! Like I noticed your knick-knacks. It's something in the room, that's all. It doesn't mean I got a thing for knick-knacks.

Robert: I'll tell you one thing, I would have made an excellent gay man.
Ray: What?
Robert: Yeah, hear me out. I always have problems with women, right? But you hang with a guy, there's no hassles. You play some golf, you tell a joke, nobody's offended. Or you don't even have to talk at all, nobody cares. We could sit and watch TV as long as we want, and nobody asks, "What are you thinking?"
Ray: Maybe I'm gay. [laughs]
Robert: Well, don't laugh so fast. There was a sergeant on our force, a regular guy, just like you and me, who had no idea he was that way until his trip to Hawaii.
Ray: What do you mean? What happened?
Robert: A guy rented him a boogie board, and a bell went off. Today, they run a gift shop on Maui.
Ray: So what? What are you saying? We just haven't met Mr. Right?
Robert: I don't know.
Ray: Debra and I were talking about going to Hawaii.
Robert: I wouldn't.

Frank: [o.s.] Robert, hey you got someone in there?
Robert: Yes, I do.
Frank: Never mind, I'll come back. [Robert opens the door] Oh, hey, Ray.
Ray: Yeah, hi there, Dad.
Robert: What are you doing here?
Frank: I gotta get your mother off my back. She's killing me over this. "He's your son. Why can't you be a person?" So I'm here. I'm talking to you. Okay?
Robert: Okay.
Frank: But there are certain things I don't want to talk about.

Frank: So this is all right. Just the guys hanging out.
Robert: Dad, let me ask you something. You ever been to Hawaii?
Frank: Oh, yeah, I love Hawaii. It's beautiful there. Me and a few of the guys from my unit had to stop over there on the way back from Korea. Boy, did we see some action! [chuckles]

Frank: What did you bring this up for?
Ray: I didn't. I didn't. Last night, Debra was saying that if someone in our family was gay-
Frank: Was it Geoffrey? I told you about him.
Ray: Would you stop, Dad?
Frank: Look at him. He runs funny.

Ray: [o.s.] Robert. I know you're in there. I parked right behind you.
Robert: Then move your car. I don't want to be late for my parade in the village.