Ray: I'm telling you the kid was fine. Mom's out of her mind.
Robert: Yeah, well, be that as it may, you've done it again. My heart goes out to the boy.
Ray: Will you stop it? I was just being funny.
Robert: I beg to differ. You say things that nobody likes. Just like that time with your parents.
Ray: When? What are you talking about?
Amy: Well, remember how you saw the little Jesus figurine on their dashboard, and you said to them, "I guess this must be a hard car to make out in"?
Ray: Well, I mean the guy's looking right at ya.
Debra: Ray, it can't always be the other person's fault when they don't "get you".
Ray: But this thing with the kid was funny. I'm telling you, he laughed.
Robert: Yeah, yeah. You see, if he laughed, it was the uneasy chuckle of a terrified young child having to spend the afternoon with a very mean and unfunny man.
Ray: I bet when you make out in the car, that Jesus weeps.

Ray: You guys go have fun. I mean I mean, go have more fun 'cause we had a lot of fun today, didn't we, guys?
Robert: Obviously traumatized.
Ray: Oh. Stop it, huh? Look at him.
Robert: Oh, how soon you forget your own past, Raymond. How about all the time we had to laugh at Dad's horrible puberty jokes?
Ray: He had to make jokes. You went through puberty at six.
Robert: You stole that line from Dad! Come on, Amy, we're getting the paper and moving far far away from jack-ass lane!

George: Hey. Can I give you something for today?
Ray: Oh, no, no. I get the tickets for free.
George: Oh, it's okay, but I've been to the movies with him he can eat forty bucks worth of candy.
Ray: Oh, well, consider his stomachache my gift. [both laugh]
George: That's funny.
Ray: Yeah, funny, right? Yeah, yeah. You know what else is funny?
George: No.
Ray: You know, uh, uh, at one point, Chris started eating peanuts, and I looked down, and he's not throwing the shells away. He's got all of them on his lap. So I just say to him, "Hey, Chris, you can throw those on the floor. That's what they pay the janitor for." [laughs] Yeah, yeah. And then he laughed. Oh, he kinda laughed hard. Yeah, and then he took his shells and he put them on the floor real gently. So I guess you got him trained really good at home. [laughs] Uh, it was just kind of a... a.. a simple remark, you know? A "hey-throw-your-nuts-on-the-floor-ha-ha" remark. Yeah, yeah. It was funny. It was funny. He's funny Chris. You know, he's my favorite friend of the kids'.
George: Okay.
Ray: Yeah. You know what else is funny? I didn't know- I didn't know that that was your... That- That- That's your craft.

Debra: George, please-
George: No, it's okay. I really have to go.
Debra: I want to assure you that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks more than all of us.
Marie: Who are you to talk? You came in saying "black"!
Ray: Oh my God!
Marie: George, listen, I you don't know what it's like to live with this man. I mean, he's a constant embarrassment.

Debra: I hope you're all happy. Listen, George, George I want to apologize to you and your family. And I just hope that the children can still be friends because that's the most important thing, even if the parents can't figure out how to get along.
George: You're right. Thank you.
Debra: Great, great. I just want my kids to be friends with everybody. [laughs] I mean, who knows? Tomorrow they might come home with some boy whose dad works in a sewer. [all gasp] No- l- Uh, I didn't- I'm sorry.

Debra: Hey, how was the game?
Ray: It was good. Yeah. Knicks finally won. The twins loved it. Oh, and their new buddy, Chris there, he's my new favorite of their friends. Yeah. Hello, Chris, goodbye Spencer.
Debra: That's great. So where are the boys?
Ray: Oh, they're gonna hitchhike home from the strip club. Nah, they took Chris next door. They're shooting hoops.

Debra: Hi, hi, hi. Come on in.
George: I know I'm a little early, but I figured you probably had enough of him.
Debra: Oh, never. He was a pleasure. In fact, we'll keep him. [Ray laughs]
George: Okay, but no givesies-backsies.

Debra: Listen, Chris. It was great having you. We'll have to do it again sometime.
George: Thank you.
Debra: You're welcome.
Ray: That's a polite kid. Yeah, yeah. Any time, Chris. Take it easy. Yeah. And it was nice meeting you mister! I'll see ya, Chris! You're my new favorite friend of the kids'! [closes the door] Next time before I take a kid to a game, would it kill you to tell me what his father does for a living?

Debra: What did you do?
Ray: Either I'm not telling that Chris story perfectly, or or his father's a little sensitive.
Debra: You told him what you said?! Why the hell would you do that?!
Ray: To show- To show you that it's just a funny story and that anybody would be fine with it.
Debra: And is he fine with it?
Ray: You're not always right!
Debra: God, Ray, I was worried that Chris would tell him. I never thought that you'd go and commit hara-kiri.
Ray: Well, I didn't mean anything by it. He's sensitive. You'd think a janitor would be tougher.
Debra: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop saying that! You have to realize you said a horrible thing, and you are not a funny person.
Ray: I know!

Ray: Listen, I hope you didn't get upset or- or- Or angry about the thing I said before, about the thing I said at the game?
George: Hey, let's just forget it.
Debra: 'Cause he would never say anything to hurt yours or Chris' or anybody's feelings.
Ray: Hey, I'm doing it!