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Everybody Hates the Lottery

‘Everybody Hates the Lottery’

Season 1, Episode 15 -  Aired February 16, 2006

Chris borrows money from Greg so he can place a wager on a game of Asteroids. Meanwhile, Julius and Rochelle agree to cut back on his lottery tickets and her chocolate turtles.

Quote from Tonya

Julius: [talking in his sleep] Six...
Tonya: Daddy.
Julius: [wakes up] Huh? What?
Tonya: Can I have a dollar?
Julius: What do you need a dollar for?
Tonya: I want to get Drew some, um... some candy.
Julius: Oh, that's nice.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was crazy about Tonya. She was the only one in the house who would dare take sleep and money from him at the same time.
Tonya: Thanks, Daddy.

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Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] In Bed-Stuy, we never had a real video arcade to go to. All we had was Doc's. At Doc's, you can get almost anything. You could cash a check.
Doc: That'll be $5.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You could get an alibi.
Doc: Nah, it wasn't him. He was here. That'll be $5.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You could even get your teeth pulled.
Doc: Open. [the woman groans]

Quote from Adult Chris

Chris: Hey! I need a favor. I need to borrow your five dollars.
Greg: What? What do you need it for?
Chris: I beat this kid playing Asteroids, and now he wants to play for money.
Greg: Can't you just save up your lunch money? Or take your neighbor's garbage out? Or help small ladies carry groceries to their car. Or turn in some Coke bottles or something.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Note to self: when begging, be persistent.
Chris: Hey, I don't have time for this. You got to do this, or my reputation's gonna be ruined.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wonder if that's how O.J. got A.C. to drive that Bronco.

Quote from Rochelle

Tonya: Mama, Drew got some candy, and this is all he gave me. Three pieces. Ma!
Rochelle: Candy? Did you say candy?
Tonya: Yeah?
Rochelle: Drew, get in here! [Drew walks in with his bag of candy] You got candy? [takes the bag]
Drew: Ma!
Rochelle: Don't "Ma" me. Don't "Ma" me right now, boy. Do you have anything in here that... that tastes like turtles?
Drew: No.
Rochelle: Something that has chocolate, peanuts, caramel, something like that?
Drew: I don't know.
Rochelle: Well, where in the world did you get money for candy?
Tonya: Daddy.

Quote from Jerome

[Chris places his $5 bill on the Asteroids machine]
Jerome: Now, that's what I'm talking about.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What he's actually talking about is which one of us he's gonna rob after we get through with the game.

Quote from Rochelle

Tonya: Mama, can we have our candy back?
Rochelle: No! I ate it. I don't need y'all getting any more cavities than what y'all got. No cavities in this house. [drinks her sugar-filled drink]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But at this rate, there'll be plenty of diabetes.
Rochelle: Needs some more sugar.

Quote from Julius

Chris: Yeah, I'm just tired. I had this weird dream last night and couldn't fall back to sleep.
Julius: Dreamin', huh?
Chris: Yeah, it was bizarre. I was walking down the street, waving hello to everybody, but nobody was waving back. It was as if they couldn't see me.
Julius: [removes his dream book from the flour jar] So you were invisible?
Chris: Yeah.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mama had turtles, Daddy had the lottery.
Julius: Oh, that's right...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's a wonder nobody sold the TV.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though my father never won the lottery, it always made him feel like there was one thing in the world he had a shot at winning. And to him, that dollar was worth it.
Announcer: [on TV] And tonight's winning numbers are... Six, three, seven.
Julius: I won! I won! I won!
Chris: What happened?
Julius: My number hit! Chris, show your mama the ticket. Show your mama the ticket, man! [Chris nervously drinks his soda] Show your mama the ticket. [charges at Chris]
Chris: Mama!

Quote from Julius

Julius: I need you to go to the corner store after school and buy a lottery ticket for me. Six-three-seven.
Chris: Yeah, but you said you weren't-
Julius: I know what I said!
Chris: Huh?
Julius: I've just got a feeling about this.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: Just shut up and do what I tell you.
Julius: Now, keep this between me and you, all right? Six-three-seven, all right? And keep the ticket on you. Go! Go, go, go!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He hadn't been that excited about a dream since Martin Luther King's.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] In Bed-Stuy, a lot of people have reputations for different things. Diedre Garfield was 23 and had a reputation for being the youngest grandmother in Brooklyn.
Mr. Jackson: [directing traffic] All right, I got everything under control!
Adult Chris: Mr. Jackson had a reputation for being crazy as hell. And a lot of people say he invented homelessness.
Mr. Jackson: Move the car! You want to fight?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had a reputation, too not only for being a nerd or getting beat up every day, I was also known for being the best Asteroids player in Bed-Stuy. I beat people from all over: Chinatown, Rikers, the Village. Even though I was a nerd, it felt really good that there was one thing that nobody could beat me at.
Doc: Chris, somebody beat your score last night.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hey, even Mike Tyson got knocked out. Ain't this about...

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