Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at home, Mr. Omar was trying to get himself out of what he got himself into.
Drew: What are you doing here? I thought you went back upstairs.
Mr. Omar: Drew, I was wondering if you could make me a little loan.
Drew: For what?
Mr. Omar: Well, it seems the only thing standing between me getting back in my apartment is a new circuit-breaker panel, but it costs $300 and neither me nor your father have the money.
Drew: True. I can loan you the money. Turn around.
Mr. Omar: Thank goodness. I really appreciate this, Drew.
Drew: And it'll only cost you twelve easy payments of $30 a month.
Mr. Omar: But that's $360.
Drew: I know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew went on to make a fortune selling sub-prime mortgages.
Drew: [points to the door] Please. Thank you.

Rochelle: What's all this?
Mr. Omar: Oh, I bought the breaker panel myself, so it's not gonna cost you a penny.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That was music to my father's ears.
Mr. Randall: Looks good. You can move back in.
Mr. Omar: Oh, however, I'm gonna take the cost of the panel and deduct it from my rent.
Rochelle: Fine. That's fine, right?
Julius: [cash register clacking and dinging] That means your rent'll be exactly what it is now.
Mr. Omar: I know.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I struggled with my English class, my father struggled with home economics.
Julius: I think we need to raise Mr. Omar's rent.
Rochelle: Ooh, he's not going to like that. You know how Mr. Omar is.
Julius: I don't care how he is. You think I can tell that to the phone company? "I-I'd love to pay, but you know how I am."
Rochelle: All I'm saying is, he's a good tenant. I don't want to lose him.
Julius: If we lose the house, we don't have to worry about losing a tenant.
Rochelle: I know that, but maybe we can look at some other areas.
Julius: What other areas, Rochelle? What? You want me to knock over a bank?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now you're thinking.
Julius: Get Peaches and Malvo, and rob a liquor store? Look. I made up my mind. I'm raising Mr. Omar's rent.

Greg: This is great. Invisible Man. It's about time we pay homage to the revolutionaries.
Chris: Are you crazy? We have five days to read this book and write a report. I can't even get through the title without falling asleep.
Greg: Dude, you're looking at this all wrong.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what I said to Greg when he saw his first Playboy centerfold.
Chris: No, I'm looking at this like I'll never get it done. How are you looking at it?
Greg: Look at it like you're about to make the best friend a guy can have: a book.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg felt that way until this happened:
[flash-forward to a 30-year-old Greg with an attractive woman:]
Woman: What's it gonna be, Greg? Me or Lord of the Rings?
Older Greg: [tosses the book away] Sorry, man. [kisses her]

Rochelle: Hi, Mr. Omar.
Julius: Who's this?
Mr. Randall: I'm Mr. Randall.
Mr. Omar: He's the building inspector.
Rochelle: Building inspector?
Mr. Randall: After an inspection of Mr. Omar's apartment, I've found the following violations.
Julius: Violations?
Mr. Randall: To justify any rent increase, you'll have to bring the cited items up to code.
Mr. Omar: Uh-huh. 'Cause I don't mind paying more rent, but everything gotta be right. You know how I am.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was trying not to fail English, my parents were trying not to fail inspection.
Rochelle: I said it. I said, look in some other areas, maybe trim a little here or there, but no. No. Ole Truck Turner here had a better idea.
Julius: Rochelle.
Rochelle: It just burns me up to think that we're up here working, while he's downstairs in our house, chilling.
Julius: Oh, he's not that bad.
Rochelle: Not bad? Julius, in one night he managed to drink all the Kool-Aid, file his toenails on my table, and keep me up half the night playing records.
Julius: Okay, maybe he is a little nuisance.
Rochelle: Yeah, like cancer.

Chris: See, if you love movies so much, why can't we just write papers on those? I'd get an "A" every time.
Ms. Rivera: That's a good idea, Chris, but I've been given a curriculum and I cannot deviate from that.
Chris: Well, the curriculum isn't working. Half the class is asleep.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That was the year Congress passed No Child Left Awake.
Ms. Rivera: I don't like to make waves. Besides, it wouldn't make any difference.
Chris: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
Ms. Rivera: Darth Vader.
Chris: I'm gonna go work on my paper.
Ms. Rivera: Chris.
Chris: Yeah?
Ms. Rivera: Let's do it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Years later, those very same words would send Mary Kay Letourneau to jail.

Superintendent: I love what you've been doing and I really wanted to meet you.
Ms. Morello: Chris, she told us this was your idea.
Chris: Yeah, it kinda was.
Superintendent: Good job, young man. I'm sure that your parents are very proud. Why don't we get one with all of us?
Ms. Morello: Most Black men can't make their inability to read work for them.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tell that to 50 Cent.

Chris: Look, last time I saw Ms. Rivera, she was loading things into her car. She didn't tell me where she was going.
Agent Barnes: Name's not "Ms. Rivera." It's Karen Rodriguez. But you already knew that, didn't you?
Chris: No, I didn't. What'd she do, anyway?
Ms. Morello: Did she sneak across the border?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Puerto Rican border?
Agent Barnes: She embezzled a quarter of a million dollars from the teachers' pension plan in Moab, Utah.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'm not sure what's more shocking: the fact that a teachers pension plan had a quarter of a million dollars or that there was a Puerto Rican in Utah.

Woman: Today we will be reading about the wonders of air. Are there any questions? I didn't think so. Let's begin.
[later, Caruso punches Chris as he leaves the class room:]
Chris: What was that for?
Joey Caruso: For making a boring class exciting, then boring again. Thanks for nothing, Clubber.