Greg: Geez, Caruso? Why didn't he just kick you into traffic?
Chris: I don't know. But I'm going to give it a shot. I mean, it can't get any worse.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what people said while they were boarding the Amistad.

Joey Caruso: Come on, Bubbles.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Right now, I'd feel safer at the Neverland Ranch.

Risky: Hey, Julius. You want some tap shoes?
Julius: Tap shoes?
Risky: Yeah. I got men's. I got women's and children's, huh? You get your whole family some tap shoes.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always thought if you wore tap shoes, you had to tap dance.
[fantasy: Julius and the family get out of a limousine:]
Julius: We're friends of the deceased.
Mr. Omar: Oh, right this way.
[Julius and the family tap dance into the church]
[reality:]
Julius: You can't make no money tap dancing.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was dealing with the bad news while my mother was getting great news.
Rochelle: What?
Vanessa: The guy I'm seeing has kidney stones!
Rochelle: Vanessa, that's good news?
Vanessa: We got tickets to see Patti LaBelle. And he can't go!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Listening to Patti LaBelle could make my mother feel good, no matter what.
[fantasy: Rochelle is blindfolded and has her hands tied while surrounded by men in sombreros with guns:]
Rochelle: Come on, Pepito. I told you, man, I didn't do it.
Chaplain: Cual es tu última voluntad? ["What is your last will?"]
Rochelle: Can you play "New Attitude"?

Rochelle: Patti. Patti. Patti. [sings] I'm in control, my worries are few Know where I'm going, and I know what to do Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh I've got a... [talks] Oww. [sings] New attitude.

Principal Edwards: Now remember, the only way you're going to get along with Caruso is if you understand why he hates you. He needs your help.
Chris: But if I'm helping him, who's gonna help me?
Principal Edwards: You're helping yourself.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Spoken like a true White man.

Chris: Come on, man, we've gotta go before the bus leaves us.
Joey Caruso: Listen, Bohannon, relax. The bus isn't going to leave without us.
Chris: The whole class is waiting on us.
Joey Caruso: I thought you people were used to being late.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Usually Greg would've noticed if I was gone, but if you put a girl in front of him, he didn't see anything else.
Chris: Hurry up, I want to get on this bus.
Joey Caruso: Don't worry, I'm sure they saved you a spot in the back. Which one's ours? [engine revs]
Chris: I think it's that one.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I think I should've been buddies with the bus driver.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] To get back to Brooklyn, it felt like we went around the entire city. We went through Chinatown... [the subway carriage is filled with people of Asian descent] The meatpacking district... [the subway carriage is filled with butchers holding cuts of meat] We even went through theater district. [the subway carriage is filled with people dressed as cats]

Drew: Where are you going?
Rochelle: I'm going to see Patti LaBelle. How do I look?
Drew: You look like one of those ladies from those old movies.
Rochelle: Who asked you?
Drew: Well, I think you look better in the brown skirt, the beige stripped shirt. Brush your hair back and put on your gold hoop earrings.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's good.
Drew: Oh, and can I get some potato chips before dinner?
Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, go ahead.