Chris: Tasha, wait up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since Tasha was right next door, it was easy to find the right time to make my move.
Tasha: Hey, Chris. Look at you, looking all cute. What you got, some girl you're trying to impress?
Chris: Yeah... you.
Tasha: Boy, you so crazy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, I'm crazy all right.
Chris: Tasha, I'm not crazy. I'm serious. I want to say something to you, but I want to make it very, very clear.
Tasha: Okay. What is it?
Chris: I want you to be my girlfriend.
Tasha: I'm already your girl friend.
Chris: No, not in like a friend who just so happens to be a girl or like "Hey, girlfriend." No, I want you to be my girlfriend. One word, not two. Girlfriend, as in "Chris and Tasha are boyfriend and girlfriend."
Tasha: You want me to be your girlfriend?
Chris: Exactly.
Tasha: Hmm. Let me think about it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd have a much better chance if she didn't think about it.

Rochelle: Superior Court of New Jersey?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was getting things out in the open, my mother found a skeleton in the closet.
Rochelle: Julius... married... Tawny... what?!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After years of walking out my door feeling down, with Tasha right next door, I was walking out and getting felt up.
Tasha: Happy anniversary.
Chris: Anniversary?
Tasha: Yes, we've been together a week. Here, I made you this bookmark with our names on it.
Chris: Oh, thanks.
Tasha: So what'd you get me?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A big box of nothing.
Chris: Nothing. I didn't know we celebrated one-week anniversaries.
Tasha: Oh... that's okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What she really meant was...
[footage of the Hindenberg:]
Narrator: Oh, my God. This is the worst catastrophe.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I found out pretty quickly that getting a girlfriend was a lot easier than keeping her happy.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I also learned that before we did what I liked to do, we had to something she liked to do.
Chris: Come here, girl, you know I'm just playing. I got a surprise for you later.
Tasha: You do. What is it?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's a surprise to me, too.
Chris: Well, I wanted to wait until later, but, you know, after I get home from school, I wanted to celebrate with you. I'll bring your present then.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Good one.
Tasha: Ooh, and then we can go to Mr. Woo's and get some Chinese food. Oh, and then I can tell you all about what this crazy girl said to me at school and then we can talk about what we're...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Another thing I learned quickly is that, much like Bin Laden, girlfriends like to make plans, and those plans did not include Greg.

Greg: Hey, what happened to you yesterday? We were supposed to go see Lethal Weapon.
Chris: Oh, I was out with Tasha.
Greg: Oh. Well, do you want to go see it today?
Chris: I can't.
Greg: Why, you got to go to work?
Chris: No, me and Tasha are going down to Al B Square to get matching T-shirts made.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] More like matching blouses.
Chris: Then we're going to the photo booth to get pictures and then we're gonna get something to eat.

Greg: [sighs] I knew this was going to happen.
Chris: What?
Greg: Don't you see? She's taking over your life. She's got you running around in matching clothes. It's like you're a life-size Ken doll.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I have one thing Ken doesn't.
Chris: So what? Okay, I got a girlfriend. What are you, jealous?
Greg: Of course, I'm jealous. But this isn't about me; it's about you. I thought you were gonna be so in there. Turns out you can't get out of there. It's like you're a puppet and she's got her hand stuck up your...
Chris: Hey. [whispers in Greg's ear]
Greg: She did?
Chris: Yeah. Twice.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew and Tonya continued their war of no words. Drew went to the Ike Turner School of Sign Language.

Clerk: Can I ask you a hypothetical question?
Julius: Yeah.
Clerk: Is she White?
Julius: No, she is not White.
Clerk: Hmm. We'll mail the divorce decree in a few days.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When a guy has a girlfriend, he wants to get her alone.
Chris: You want to get together tonight and watch some videos?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But when a girl has a boyfriend, she wants to show him around.
Tasha: Can we go to Yvette's first? I want you to meet her and Angela.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I got with Tasha, I thought I couldn't get enough of her.
Chris: So, we watching videos tonight?
Tasha: Can I bring Rene and Tina?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What I found out was I could barely get to her.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my father was waiting for his final decree, my mother was acting like it was over.
Julius: Hey, baby.
Rochelle: Does your wife know that you're hugging up to another woman?
Julius: [sighs] What are you doing?
Rochelle: Looking for apartments. The kids and I need a place that we can call our own.
Julius: Rochelle, this is your place.
Rochelle: Really? Well, how do I know that if you die right now, some White woman wouldn't come and take your Social Security, the house, the car, and me and the kids be on the street?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Who does she think he is, James Brown?
Julius: Look, I filed the papers. This should all be over soon.
Rochelle: Well, until then, you can sleep on the couch.