‘Everybody Hates Tasha’
Season 4, Episode 20 - Aired April 24, 2009
Chris finally decides to ask Tasha to be his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Rochelle is shocked to learn that Julius is technically married to another woman.
Quote from Drew
Drew: Can't nobody stand you 'cause you're a liar and you won't shut up.
Tonya: Shut don't go up, prices do, so take my advice and shut up, too.
Drew: You shut up, I grow up. Every time I see your face, I throw up.
Tonya: Shut up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Junior Varsity Sugar Hill Gang.
Rochelle: Will both of you shut up? I swear.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That doesn't rhyme.
Rochelle: Y'all couldn't be quiet if somebody paid you.
Tonya: I could.
Drew: No, you couldn't. You couldn't shut up to save your life.
Rochelle: Quiet! Here. Here's your allowance for this week. Okay? The next one that talks loses theirs. Winner gets it all.
Quote from Adult Chris
Greg: What'd she say?
Chris: She said she'll think about it.
Greg: Well, what does that mean?
Chris: It means "Let me check every option, "see if I can get someone I want, and if not, I'll go out with you."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And when she said every option, she meant every option. She checked blind guys.
Tasha: [to a blind guy] Do you have a girlfriend?
Blind Girlfriend: Yeah, girl. What are you, blind?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She checked dangerous guys.
Tasha: [to a guy robbing someone] Do you have a girlfriend?
Criminal Girlfriend: [pointing gun] Yeah, he does. Now, give me your money.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She even checked guys who were girls.
Tasha: Do you have a girlfriend?
Cross Dresser: I'm my own girlfriend.
Quote from Julius
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was waiting to get my woman, my father's woman was waiting to get him.
Julius: Hey, baby.
Rochelle: Why didn't you tell me you were married to someone else?
Julius: Huh?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now would be a good time to run.
Rochelle: Don't "huh?" me. Tawny Reynolds? Does the name ring a bell?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You better say something. She might have a gun.
Julius: Yeah. Um... It was a long time ago. It was a long time before I even met you. I was 17 in Atlantic City, and we were drunk. We got married. Four days later, we were divorced.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Story of Britney Spears' life.
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my father tried to explain why he had two women, I wanted to find out if I had one.
Tasha: Hey, Chris.
Chris: Oh, hey, Tasha, listen about what I said yesterday-
Tasha: I thought about it. Yes.
Chris: Yes, what?
Tasha: Yes, I will be your girlfriend.
Chris: And I get to touch you?
Tasha: Yes.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In an 8:00 p.m. sitcom kind of way.
Quote from Chris
Chris: And I get to kiss you?
Tasha: Yes.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Ask for more, ask for more!
Chris: In front of other people? Not just strangers, even people we know?
Tasha: Yes.
Chris: And if anybody asks me, I can say, "Yes, Tasha is my girlfriend"?
Tasha: Yes.
Chris: All right. I need you to sign this. I need your thumbprint there. All right, now, turn that around. [takes out a Polaroid] Smile. [a woman takes the documents] Thank you.
Tasha: Who's this?
Chris: She's notary public. There.
Notary: Here you go. It's official, Chris. Tasha is your girlfriend.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Somebody record this so she can't lie and say it didn't happen.
Quote from Doc
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I was playing the game of love, I decided to get advice from a real player.
Doc: No, you got to move.
Chris: Why?
Doc: She lives right next door, Chris. Where are you gonna go? You'll never get away from her.
Chris: We broke up.
Doc: You broke up. That's like telling the IRS you don't owe them any money. It ain't over till they say it's over.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Ask Wesley Snipes.
Quote from Rochelle
Rochelle: What's going on with you and Tasha?
Chris: I tried to break up with her, but she wouldn't let me.
Rochelle: Well, there's no such thing as trying to break up with somebody. That's like being a little pregnant. Either you're broken up or you're not. But if you do want to break up with her, let her know that. If you don't, make sure she knows that. Don't have her running around here thinking you're together and you're not. One minute y'all having a little fight, and the next thing you know, you're married with a wife and kids and she's trying to take your house.
Quote from Julius
Bootsy Collins: Glory halle-stupid! Yeah, bobbas, uh, yeah. Now, do you, Julius, take Rochelle to be your rhinestone rock star monster of a doll baby bobba?
Julius: I do.
Bootsy Collins: And Rochelle, do you take Julius to be your rhinestone rock star monster of a man?
Rochelle: I do.
Bootsy Collins: With all the powers invested in me and the blasters of the universe, along with the mother ship connection I now pronounce you man and wifey. Now go funk her up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He said "funk", kids, with an "N."
Bootsy Collins: Funk her up. [sings] Do you want to get funked up? Funk, yeah, funk her up Don't you want to get funked up?
Quote from Chris
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After everything I'd been through with Tasha and as crazy as she acted, she really did have a point. Breaking up over one fight wasn't worth it. And if she didn't think it was over, then it wasn't over.
Tasha: Oh, Chris. Hey.
Chris: I was mad earlier.
Tasha: I noticed.
Chris: It's not that I want to break up with you. I just think we need to get clear about some things.
Tasha: Like what?
Chris: First of all, you cannot cancel my work so we can go hang out.
Tasha: Okay.
Chris: And I'm sorry that I overreacted. I'm new to this relationship stuff.
Tasha: Okay.
Chris: Good. [Tasha turns away as Chris goes to kiss her] What's wrong?
Tasha: I am breaking up with you.
Chris: I thought you said that we were still together.
Tasha: Until I said we were breaking up. We're breaking up. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Me, either.
Quote from Chris
Chris: I don't know why I waited so long.
Greg: I don't know, man. Maybe there's a reason you haven't gotten with her. Maybe you're just not supposed to be together.
Chris: That's impossible. All right? She kissed me on New Year's Eve. We were together for Easter. She even got jealous when I kissed that other girl while we were playing spin the bottle. As far as I'm concerned, all the signs are saying "go."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But they don't say where to.
Greg: What if she says no?
Chris: Then I'll be back here with you, but I'm going to have her in my life or out.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, I can't imagine how this might turn out.