Julius: Rochelle. Can you explain this?
Rochelle: Where did you find that?
Julius: In your shoe.
Rochelle: Well, what were you doing in my shoe?
Julius: Oh, don't try to change the subject. What's $500 doing in your shoe? Where'd you get this?
Rochelle: That doesn't make a difference. I want to know why you were going through my stuff. I don't go through your stuff.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes, she does. He just never caught her.

Rochelle: Julius, how come you're acting so childish about this? I mean, how would you feel if somebody went through your stuff and took something that belonged to you?
Julius: What are you talking about? I don't have nothing to take.
Rochelle: I'm just saying. I mean, what if Chris went through your stuff and took something without asking?
Chris: Why'd you pick me? Why didn't you pick Drew or Tonya?
Rochelle: Why you acting so suspicious?
Chris: Who's suspicious? It's not me, I'm not suspicious.
Rochelle: Well, you sure as hell acting like it. Eat your food.

Rochelle: Oh, baby, I just wanted a cushion to fall back on, that's all.
Julius: Is that all?
Rochelle: Yeah.
Julius: Come here. Here. Take your money, put it away. I'm sorry.
[Rochelle struggles to take the money out of Julius's hand]
Rochelle: You go in my shoe again, I'm going to knock your ass out.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The last place I wanted my father to find his Playboy was at my school.
Mrs. Milone: I confiscated this.
Rochelle: Playboy? What does Chris have to do with that?
Mrs. Milone: Somebody brought it to the school, and I believe it was your son.
Rochelle: Chris? Is this true?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wanted to lie, but my mother always told me if I did, she'd slap me into another nationality.
[fantasy: After Rochelle slaps Chris, he is an Asian boy]

Julius: Hey, it's just Playboy. I mean, it really doesn't matter. Boys will be boys.
Rochelle: Is that all you have to say? "Boys will be boys"?! Chris, where did you get a Playboy from, anyway?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That look means, "Boy, I know I've never asked you to lie, but please don't tell your mother that that's my Playboy."
Chris: I found it?
Mrs. Milone: Usually, I would suspend you for this sort of behavior, but I think this is best handled by the parents.
Rochelle: And you best believe we're going to handle it, right, Julius?
Julius: Yeah, we going to handle this.
Mrs. Milone: I'll take that.
Julius: What you going to do with it?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's what he really wanted to do.
[fantasy: Julius dashes out of the office and runs from the school]
Mrs. Milone: I'll dispose of it.
Julius: Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's a good idea. Disposing is good.

Chris: I'm sorry I took your magazine, Dad.
Julius: You shouldn't take other people's things, Chris. That's why I put it away. But more than that, you're too young for that kind of stuff.
Chris: Yeah, but it's just pictures.
Julius: Look how much trouble "just pictures" caused you. You got chased by a mob, your mama's mad at you and you almost got kicked out of school.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's when I discovered that even if they're made of paper, the wrong kind of woman can really mess up your life.
Julius: Look, I know you're interested in girls, but there's a lot for you to learn first. If you never need anything, you can talk to me. But don't go in my toolbox.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After that, my father started hiding things in his fish tackle box. I never told him I found it the next day.
Chris: I promise. Things didn't turn out that bad, though. I made $28 off that Playboy.
Julius: My magazine, my money. [hands back the elastic band] Here, you can keep that.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I was a teenager, I discovered a lot of new things. I discovered sour milk doesn't always become yogurt. [Chris spits out the chunk of milk] I discovered the barber who's always available isn't always the best. [boy screams]
Barber: Next!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I also discovered that if you hit people with a truck, they will do anything you want. Another thing I discovered is if you're gonna buy cheap furniture, you better stock up on Crazy Glue.
Drew: Ma, how come this table keeps wobbling?
Rochelle: I don't know. Your daddy was supposed to fix it. Chris, go get your father's Crazy Glue.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If we didn't have Crazy Glue, this would have happened to our house. [footage of a house collapse] And I also discovered something that would change my life forever.
Chris: Playboy magazine?

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Discovering Playboy changed my life. It was a foldout of the most beautiful women, with jokes on the back, football stats, cars, and an interview with McLean Stevenson. I thought Keisha was cute, but I'd push her in front of a gas truck to get to Miss June.

Julius: What? The truck break down again?
Rochelle: No. I tried to kill a spider, and I broke the handle off the dresser.
Julius: Spider?
Rochelle: Yeah. I don't know where they're coming from, but we got to do something about them. You know, Drew is scared to death of spiders.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My brother Drew wasn't scared of anything, but after he saw The Fly, he was terrified of spiders. I don't want to tell you what happened after he saw Urban Cowboy.

Julius: Okay, I-I'll go get some bug spray after work.
Rochelle: Okay. Where's the Crazy Glue so I can fix this?
Julius: It should be in my toolbox.
Rochelle: Okay. [walks off]
Julius: [jumps up] No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Rochelle: What's wrong with you?
Julius: Let me fix it.
Rochelle: I know what to do with Crazy Glue.
Julius: No, it's trickier than you might think. I mean, you might glue your fingers together. Let me do it.
Rochelle: Okay then, damn.