Julius Quote #74

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates a Part Time Job

Chris: I was hoping you could give me an allowance.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he heard.
[fantasy:]
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it?
[reality:]
Julius: I'm not giving you money for walking around doing nothing. An allowance? I'll allow you to sleep here at night. I'll allow you to eat them potatoes. I'll allow you to use my lights. I'll allow you to drink my Kool-Aid. I'll allow you to nibble on them green beans. I'll allow you to look at that TV. I'll allow you to run up my gas bill. I'll allow you to walk up my stairs. I'll allow you to ask me these ridiculous-ass questions. Why should I give you an allowance when I already paid for everything you do? Who you know that gets an allowance? Huh? I'm finished.
Chris: I was talking to Greg and he said that he gets five dollars a week.
Julius: Sounds like Greg's doing better than me. Ask him for an allowance. You want to buy a leather coat, you need to get a leather-coat job.

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Julius Quotes

Quote from Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

Quote from Everybody Hates My Man

Drew: I don't know how you can stand being around all those dead people.
Julius: I love it. It makes you realize that life is short. Anything can happen at any time. A toilet could fall out of the sky and crush you. A bus door could clamp on your neck and choke you. A poisonous lizard could escape from the zoo and bite you. You could fall off a bridge and drown. [3 hours later] And you could trip and fall in front of a power mower and be decapitated. [1:00 a.m.] [on the phone] You could be smoking a cigarette and blow up while siphoning 65 cents worth of glass. And you could eat some bad coleslaw and get diarrhea and die of dehydration. [the next morning] You could step in a puddle and be electrocuted by a downed wire. You could blow your nose and startle a cat with rabies...
Rochelle: Okay, okay, we get it! We can die at any time, and you're happy!
Julius: That's right.

‘Everybody Hates a Part Time Job’ Quotes

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Okay, baby, I'm gonna take you to the emergency room. Wait here. I'm gonna get your coat. Drew, get up!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Going to the doctor was serious business, because usually, if something was wrong with one of us, my parents thought they could fix it with Robitussin.
[flashback to Drew touching his finger to the stove:]
Drew: Ow! I burned my finger!
Rochelle: Let me see, boy, let me see. Take some Robitussin.
[flashback to Julius and Rochelle looking in Tonya's mouth:]
Julius: Looks like a tooth broke off.
Rochelle: Yeah. I'll go get the Robitussin.
[flashback to Rochelle opening the door to a concerned Tonya:]
Rochelle: What?
Tonya: Mama, Chris just got hit by a car.
Rochelle: Oh, my God, I'll go get the Robitussin.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Excuse me, nurse. My baby's stomach is killing her.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The thing about people who work in emergency rooms is they're not the ones with the emergency, you are.
Nurse: Really?
Admittance Clerk: But did you see Tracy last week with her new man?
Rochelle: Do you see me standing here with a sick child?
Admittance Clerk: Do you see me here talking to somebody? Quit hollerin' at people! You know, I don't need this. My man has three jobs!

Quote from Adult Chris

Rochelle: Well, what do you need a leather jacket for? What's wrong with Drew's old coat?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Instead of Drew wearing my old clothes, I wore his old clothes. I think I was the first kid to get hand-me-ups.