Tonya: Hey, Dad. Do you think Drew can borrow one of your hats?
Rochelle: Hat? Drew, get in here.
[When Drew walks in, his head is completely bald]
Rochelle: What the hell happened to your head?
Drew: Before I gave Tonya a finger wave, I decided I'd try it on myself. But I think I left the perm in too long.
Julius: That's $10 worth of perm.

James: $175? What you gonna do with all that?
Ryan: I'm starting an answering service. All I have to do is buy a couple of phones, get some extra phone lines, then I can make money just by taking other people's phone calls.
James: So it's like a human answering machine.
Ryan: Exactly.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I became football team manager, I learned the first rule of sports: When they're not playing, athletes expect other people to do things for them. They expected you to do easy things.
Walter Dickerson: Hey, Chris. Hit that pedal for me. [drinks from the fountain] Ah, thanks, man. I got any water on my face? [Chris dabs his mouth]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They expected you to do hard things.
Walter Dickerson: Hey, Chris, put this back in the weight room for me. [Chris drops to the floor with the weight]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They expected you to do ridiculous things.
Walter Dickerson: Hey, Chris, could you eat this for me? I don't like it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But mostly, they expected you to do things they couldn't do.

Walter Dickerson: Hey, Chris, I need to talk to you, man.
Chris: What's up?
Walter Dickerson: What's up is Coach Thurman's gonna fail me.
Chris: Fail you? You're, like, the best guy on the team. All you have to do is show up and it's automatic "A." Why would he fail you?
Walter Dickerson: Something about me never showing up to class. Look, he's trippin'. I don't know why we need to learn about history anyway. What difference does it make who won World War III? It's over. The Japanese won, and now we have Walkmans.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Thank God Italy won World War IV and we got pizza.

Chris: So, what you gonna do about it?
Walter Dickerson: It's not what I'm gonna do about it, it's what you're gonna do about it. I need you to do my history assignments for me.
Chris: Man, this is a lot of work.
Walter Dickerson: Come on, man, I thought we were cool.
Chris: What am I gonna get out of it?
Walter Dickerson: I'll owe you one.
Chris: You will?
Walter Dickerson: Yeah.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though doing Dickerson's work was like taking an extra class, I knew him owing me one would be worth it.
Chris: All right, I'll do it.
Walter Dickerson: My man.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When Dickerson said "my man," it was like making me vice president. It was the next best thing to being him.
Walter Dickerson: What's this?
Chris: It's your homework. I summarized chapter three. It starts with the Magna Carta and how it affected the serfs in rural England.
Walter Dickerson: My man!
Chris: That's it?
Walter Dickerson: That's what?

Walter Dickerson: Yo. You're just gonna knock my man's stuff out of his hand and not pick it up?
Joey Caruso: Sorry.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Caruso knows how to say "sorry"?
Walter Dickerson: Anyway, what'd you want?
Chris: Nothing.
Walter Dickerson: My man.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, doing Dickerson's work was killing me.
Walter Dickerson: Yo, Chris. You didn't finish that homework?
Chris: Oh, yeah. This is my homework. I did yours last night. There. It's a complete time line of the significant events that led up to World War I.
Walter Dickerson: My man! Hey, get me a sandwich. Turkey with, uh, cheese and mayo on it.
Chris: They don't have that today.
Walter Dickerson: They got it across the street.
Chris: Cool.
Walter Dickerson: My man!
Carol: Hey, Walter.
Walter Dickerson: Hey, Carol. You hungry? My man was just about to get me a sandwich.
Carol: I'll take one.
Walter Dickerson: Make that two.
Chris: Cool.
Walter Dickerson: My man!

Julius: [hums and dances] Hey, baby! What's up, Chris? Drew. Pssh! Baby girl.
Tonya: Hey.
Julius: Mmm. This smells good! Whew! Rochelle, did you do something new with your hair?
Rochelle: I combed it.
Julius: It looks great. Doesn't your mother's hair look great?
Kids: I don't know.
Julius: Well, I think it looks great.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wasn't happy about what I was getting at home and I was even less happy about what was happening at school.
Chris: [Greg wakes him up] What?!
Greg: I knew this was gonna happen. Did you hear what she said?
Chris: Who? What? We have a test tomorrow. She went over all the stuff today in class.
Chris: We do?
Greg: Dude, you're burning the candle at both ends. You can't do another guy's work and still have time for your own stuff. It's like cheating on a girlfriend.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you've never had a girlfriend.
Chris: I'm fine.
Greg: Dude, you're not fine. Unless you want to fail your classes, you better tell Dickerson you're not doing any more of his work.
Chris: Just calm down. I-I can handle this.
Greg: Yeah, right after you finish your nap?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I miss being able to nap in the middle of the day.