Joey Caruso: What's up, Parish? Hey, Bird. So, what's up with you and Dickerson? You guys hanging out? That's your man? You're cool?
Chris: Basically, yeah.
Joey Caruso: Huh. [to Greg] What about you, are you cool with Dickerson, too?
Greg: Nah, just him.
Joey Caruso: Cool. [punches Greg in the stomach]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg did a nice job of waiting ten seconds before crying.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had expected a little more. I thought by being cool with Dickerson, a whole new world would open up... in school.
[fantasy:]
Lunch Lady: That'll be a dollar.
Walter Dickerson: Whoa, whoa. His lunch is free. That's my man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] after class...
Walter Dickerson: [to a girl] Hey, give him your number. That's my man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] even in the streets.
Police Officer: What do we have here? Aw, look at that.
Walter Dickerson: Hey, hey, don't arrest him. That's my man.
Police Officer: Oh, my bad. Excuse me. Sorry. There you go. You got it.
Chris: No problem.
Police Officer: Good to see you.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at home, I wasn't the only one who needed a new man on the job.
Mr. Omar: Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Julius. Exactly the man I was looking for.
Julius: Is everything all right?
Mr. Omar: Actually, I got a bit of a situation. You wouldn't know anyone looking for a job, would you?
[fantasy:]
Julius: Me! Me! I want a job! Me! Whoo! I want a... Me!
[reality:]
Julius: What kind of job? I mean, I might be interested.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If my father had been a rapper, his name would've been Snoop Jobby-Job.
Mr. Omar: Don't you already have two jobs? You want another one?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's like asking Amy Winehouse if she wants another drink.

Julius: Well, what would I have to do?
Mr. Omar: Well, you know, pickups, deliveries.
Julius: That's what I already do.
Mr. Omar: Well, all right, then, you're hired! Uh, here you go. Now, the van's out front.
Julius: What's this?
Mr. Omar: Oh, the address to the theater. I need you to pick up my dead assistant, row J, seat 15. And I believe he's entitled to a refund, so you keep that as a signing bonus.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] With a new job and a signing bonus, my father thought he had been hit by a chemical toilet and gone to Heaven.

Rochelle: Julius, we have bills to pay, and you're giving out gifts? What about the present to the gas company, the electric company, the water company? This is $47.92 that you just spent on the kids!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Should my garbage bags really count in that total?
Julius: Not just for the kids. This is for you!
Rochelle: [screams] Oh! That's Armando Vermani! I love Armando Vermani!
Julius: It's all leather!
Rochelle: Oh, baby, this is beautiful!
Tonya: I thought you were mad because he was spending money.
Rochelle: Girl, shut up and go play with your gun. Oh, I got to put this in plastic!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I had it hard, my father became a soft touch.
Risky: Hey, I need $10 for gas.
Julius: Regular or premium?
Risky: Premium.
Julius: There you go.
Risky: My man.

Vanessa: I need to get my hair dryer fixed.
Julius: Just buy yourself a new one.
Vanessa: Ooh!

Monk: I need some ammo for my bazooka.
Julius: Anti-tank or anti-personnel?
Monk: Anti-tank, of course.
Julius: Oh, here you go.
Monk: Thank you.

Joey Caruso: Hey, Dickerson, he's not your man anymore?
Walter Dickerson: No. I guess not.
[Caruso punches Chris in the face]

Rochelle: You got to fire him, and you have to fire him today.
Mr. Omar: Why would I want to do that? I've never seen a man be so happy with his work.
Rochelle: He is throwing money away like there's no tomorrow.
Mr. Omar: Well, there might not be a tomorrow.
Rochelle: Well, if there is, you ain't gonna have no place to live.
Mr. Omar: What you talking about?
Rochelle: Let me remind you, you're a tenant in our house. If we lose our home, you lose your...
Mr. Omar: He's fired.
Rochelle: Thank you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you're keeping score, that's happy: zero, my mother: one.