Ms. Morello: Chris, I'm sorry for shushing you. I know your people can't help talking in the movies.

Greg: You think they know we're gone?
Chris: The only one that would even notice is Caruso. He can just beat somebody else up. What's that?
Greg: I was up all night packing for everything we might need. I've got peanut butter sandwiches in case we get hungry, I've got some wet naps in case we get sticky from the peanut butter sandwiches, I brought a compass in case we get lost, some extra water, Rolaids, aspirin, a traveling toothbrush...
Chris: Greg, we're going to the movies, not Gilligan's Island.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If we did, Greg would have got with Mrs. Howell.
Greg: Hold on. For my "cutting school" scrapbook. Smile.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg sold that picture on eBay last week for $500.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only problem with my mother helping at a book fair was she didn't read books and she wasn't fair.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Girl, does your mother know you're over here reading grown-up books? Give me that. Flowers in the Attic. Now that sounds nice. Read that. You done lost your Jackie Collins mind. And don't cut your eyes at me, either.
Rochelle: Boy, don't you know you are too big for a coloring book? White kids your age are building sculptures by now and you're over here trying to stay inside the lines. Come on, Picasso. Get to chippin'. Come on. Chip on. Chip, chip, chip.
Rochelle: You shouldn't be embarrassed that your boy only has a fifth grade reading level. You should be embarrassed that he's 27. He should be reading War and Peace, not Horton Hears a Who!.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because I was planning to cut school, I was acting guiltier than Michael Richards at an NAACP meeting.

Tonya: Daddy, can you come up to our school, too?
Julius: No, baby, I have to renew my driver's license tomorrow.
Rochelle: Baby, I thought you did that already.
Julius: Mm-mm. A new license costs $17.50. And I'm not giving them people my money until I have to.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father waited until the last possible moment to pay for everything-- and I mean everything.
[flashback:]
Meter Maid: Your meter's only got a minute left.
Julius: When that quarter runs out, I'll put in this one.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Baby, you're almost out of gas.
Julius: When that gas runs out, I'll put in some new gas.
[flashback:]
Doctor: Push. Push.
Rochelle: Julius, would you just pay the man, please?!
Julius: When the baby's all the way out, I'll give him all the money.

Ms. Morello: The fact is, you shouldn't be here.
Chris: Well, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see this movie. I didn't think missing one day of school would hurt.
Ms. Morello: Chris, I know you must be a big Ernie Hudson fan - Thalmus is, too - but do you think Ernie Hudson cut school to go see Gary Coleman movies while he was growing up?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Gary Coleman made a movie?
Ms. Morello: And, Greg, you should be ashamed of yourself. You can see a White man in a movie anytime.

Boy: "It was the beast of times. It was the roast of times."
Rochelle: I mean, my God, boy, did you eat a bowl of lead paint for breakfast? Go on and sit down and let one of these other illiterates take a crack at it.
Mrs. Wilson: Excuse me, can I speak to you for a minute?
Rochelle: Oh, I'm sorry, is there a problem?
Mrs. Wilson: Yes. You.

Julius: How was it at school?
Tonya: Mom got kicked out.
Julius: What?
Drew: They called the cops and everything.
Tonya: Yeah, we had to beg for them to let her go.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Why are you arresting me?! You should be arresting these teachers!
Tonya: Please let my mama go!
Rochelle: Kids at a book fair that can't read!
Mrs. Wilson: Oh, get her out of here!
Rochelle: I should call Jesse Jackson! Jesse!

Ms. Morello: Class, I just want to let you know that I won't be here tomorrow because I have a funeral to attend.
Chris: Who died?
Ms. Morello: My sister.
Chris: Oh, I'm sorry.
Ms. Morello: Thank you, Chris. It's hard because I don't have nineteen or twenty other siblings like you.
Greg: What'd she die of?
Ms. Morello: She died of a bad case of grammar. Watch those prepositions.

Chris: Um, two tickets for Ghostbusters, please?
Ticket Clerk: Two dollars. [prints tickets] Why aren't you kids in school?
Greg: Uh... see, it's... It's a... Uh... Uh...
Chris: It's a Black holiday.
Ticket Clerk: Yeah? Which one?
Greg: Yeah, Chris, which one?
Chris: Uh... The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman Day.
Ticket Clerk: Oh. Great woman. She was a credit to your race.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And Howdy Doody's a credit to yours.
Ticket Clerk: What are you doing here?
Greg: I'm an octoroon.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In that case, only one-eighth of him should be off from school.
Ticket Clerk: Okay. Enjoy the show. Happy holidays.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I made it past this guy, I would finally get to see Ernie Hudson's best work.