Frasier: Woody, I'm sorry. There's one thing I've got to tell you. Listen, you have got to withdraw from the election.
Woody: What do you mean, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Well, aside from the nagging feeling that your election might actually mean the extinction of all life as we know it, you're just not a politician.
Woody: Yeah, but you said it would be easy. In fact, you said not being a politician was my hook.
Frasier: I know, Woody, I'm sorry. Listen, I- I shouldn't have led you on. I guess I was just drawn in by the promise of power.
Woody: Oh, but, Dr. Crane...
Frasier: No, no "but, Dr. Cranes". Now, Woody, just listen to me. Listen, the right to vote is it's far too sacred to cheapen by some some vain psychological experiment. I mean, your winning an election without knowing anything at all about politics it would just make a mockery of the entire democratic process. Woody, you have to withdraw.
Woody: Well, there's no sense in arguing with you, Dr. Crane. I mean, next to Mr. Clavin, you're the smartest guy I know. But what about the debate? They're expecting me to go over there.
Frasier: Woody, you'll just have to make a a simple speech and gracefully bow out.
Woody: Oh. Well, I guess you're right, Dr. Crane. Gotta do what I gotta do. It's too bad, though. I was really looking forward to being a good city councilman and working hard to make sure that every person in my district was ensured life, liberty and the purfuit of happineff.

[on TV:]
Woody: Fact is, I'm really not much of a politician. In fact, I really don't know much about anything. I... I... I don't know, I just... I just wanted to [crying]... Thought it'd be nice to be a city councilman. I mean, I'd do a good job, too, I promise! [sniffling] How bad could I screw up? I mean, it's not like a councilman could declare war or anything! I- I couldn't, could l? It's just one vote! I mean, would it kill you to vote for me?
Kelly: Oh, don't cry, Woody!
Woody: Oh, well, this is this is my wife Kelly, and she deserves better than just a simple bartender.
Kelly: Oh, it's all right. I love you, Woody.
Woody: I love you, too, Kelly.
Kelly: In fact, we both love you.
Woody: Both?
Kelly: Yes. This probably isn't the ideal time to tell you, but you're gonna be a daddy.
Woody: I'm gonna be... [laughs] I'm gonna... Did you hear that, everybody? I'm gonna be a daddy! [laughs] I'm gonna be a daddy!

Frasier: Look, all I'm saying is that when it comes to voting, people just shut off their brains. I submit we could put a chimpanzee on the ballot and garner ten percent of the vote.
Woody: [chuckles] Whoa. Two Hanover things in one day?
Sam: You're exaggerating a little bit, aren't you?
Frasier: No, no, Sam, I'm not. Look, you know what? I'll go you one better. I'll bet we could put Woody on the ballot and get ten percent of the vote.
Sam: Yeah, all right, I'll take ten dollars of that.
Frasier: All right, you're on. You know, come to think of it, this would make a fascinating study of voter psychology. I submit, if we just put Woody's name on the ballot, circulate a few posters of his attractive smiling face over some meaningless slogan, come election day, we'll get ten percent of the vote! [people groaning]
Sam: Come on, man.
Frasier: Oh, oh, okay! I'll prove it to all of you. I'll start the process of getting his name on the ballot this very afternoon.

Woody: Oh, I- I don't know, Dr. Crane. I'm not so sure I want to get mixed up in all this.
Kelly: Mixed up in what, Woody?
Woody: Well, Dr. Crane wants me to run for City Council.
Kelly: Oh, Woody, that's a wonderful idea.
Woody: It is?
Kelly: I'd be so proud if you were a politician.
Woody: Uh, Kelly, l- l- l'm not gonna get mixed up in politics. Uh, you live your life in a fishbowl. Everybody hates you. The press is always criticizing you. There's no way I'm running for public office.
Kelly: All right, Mr. Stubborn. From now on, you can dance naked in front of the lava lamp all by your lonesome.
Woody: Well, maybe just one term.

Frasier: I also put up about, uh, 300 of these guys here.
Sam: 300, you think that's going to be enough?
Frasier: Well, there's no need to go crazy. I only need to get ten percent of the eligible vote.
Cliff: Well, in that case, why don't you just put them up on Carla's headboard?
Carla: Oh, Clavin, Clavin, Clavin. When are you going to learn? See, now I have to retaliate.
Cliff: No, you don't have to, Carla. You know, we... We could just, uh, don't even say anything, you just forget all about it, huh?
Carla: I can't forget; You know that.
Cliff: All right. Well, uh, just get it over with fast, then, will you? [Carla hits the back of Cliff's head with her bar tray] Yeah, all right. Thank you.
Carla: No, that's for even asking. You can't hurry an artist. [laughs]

Sam: Oh, listen to this. "The race in District Three is the one to watch between incumbent Kevin Fogerty and his idealistic young challenger Woody Boyd. Even this cynical reporter was impressed by Boyd's simple, straightforward approach." [laughs]
Frasier: Well, according to the latest poll, candidate Boyd now stands at eight percent. Now, do I need to go for the two remaining percent, or have I proved my point?
Sam: You have proved your point. You win.
Frasier: [laughs] Very well. Thank you very much. Guess I can put an end to this farce. I'll take the posters down tomorrow.

Carla: [on the phone] Uh-huh. So, uh, you don't plan to vote for Woody Boyd? Now, according to the phone book, your address is 151 Richmond? Do your children like to run and play?

Rebecca: [on the phone] No, it's Boyd. B-O-Y-D. Mm-hmm. Well, he's destined for greatness. He's one of the sharpest young political minds to come along in quite a long time. He's absolutely brilliant. Me? Well, I am, um I'm 26.
Carla: You're not 26!
Rebecca: [covers the phone] If Woody can be brilliant, I can be 26.

Paul: Wow. I've never seen all you guys work so hard.
Norm: Yeah, well Paul, you see, most of us guys who hang around here day in, day out, we frankly don't have much going for ourselves, and Woody here has a shot at actually making the big time. It's like he... he stands for all of us losers.
Paul: Even me?
Norm: Especially you, Paul.
Paul: Wow.

Frasier: Uh, everyone, I'd, uh, like your attention, please. As you know, it's just the big election day, and I've been charting our progress up until now, and I'd like to say with all confidence that I'm gonna win! We're gonna win! Woody Boyd is gonna be the next city councilman of this fair district! [cheering, whooping]
Woody: Gosh, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Not now, Woody, I'm talking.