Frasier: Excuse me, but why do I seem to have been automatically excluded?
Norm: You have to go home to your wife.
Frasier: What about your wife?
Norm: You can't be this dense with your patients.

Sam: Man, what is with these East German babes? All week long I have been trying: phone calls, flowers, the whole thing. What am I doing wrong?
Frasier: Well, Sam, I see no alternative. You're just going to have to become a communist.
Sam: What do you do? Do you apply for membership or something?
Cliff: I cannot believe my ears.
Sam: What?
Cliff: We're not talking about the Moose Lodge here. We're talking communists, the most reprehensible perpetrators of social and economic oppression ever known to mankind. I mean, they brainwash you, they put you to work in some tractor factory, and as for your creature comforts, forget it.
Sam: Yeah, but the stuff you had before you joined is still your stuff, am I right?

Frasier: So, I say to this patient, "Look, you're never going to get well until you get over this paranoia." And he says to me, "l was afraid you'd say that." [laughs] Well, you had to be there.

Sam: Listen, you got to become the ideal woman, you know? Treat him like a god, cater to his every whim.
Carla: Oh, yuck! I can't do that. I can't do frilly. You know what they say.
Sam: "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
Woody: Maybe I shouldn't be butting in here, but you can catch the most with dead squirrels.

Cliff: Say, uh, Rebecca, was it a big hassle getting those company tickets for Woody?
Rebecca: No.
Cliff: Can you get some for me?
Rebecca: No.
Cliff: I get it. Employees only, huh?
Rebecca: No.
Cliff: Gotcha. Can't go to the well too often.
Rebecca: No.
Cliff: Then you just don't want to get 'em for me?
Rebecca: Yes.
Cliff: Well, no harm in asking.

Rebecca: Woody, I have a lot of work to do here, so please make sure I'm not disturbed.
Woody: [o.s.] Yes, ma'am. [knocking]
Rebecca: Yes?
Woody: Miss Howe? You want me to hold business and personal calls?
Rebecca: Yes.
Woody: You got it. [knocking]
Rebecca: Yes?
Woody: Miss Howe? Uh, what if it's an emergency, or something only you can handle?
Rebecca: Woody, I'm turning the bar over to you. I have complete confidence. [knocking] Yes?!
Woody: Miss Howe? I want you to know how much I appreciate your confidence in me. I won't let you down.
Rebecca: [sighs] [knocking] Woody, I am trying to get some work done here, and you are driving me crazy! Now, get out of here, and leave me alone!
[After Woody leaves, Rebecca gets up and opens her office door to find Woody standing there]
Woody: [sobbing] I'm sorry, Miss Howe.

Rebecca: Carla, are you preoccupied or something? You don't still think Eddie's messing around with Franzi, do you?
Carla: I have my suspicions.
Rebecca: Well, what evidence do you have?
Carla: I'll tell you what I have. I have nothing! That was the one good thing about Nick. With Nick, I always knew for sure.
Norm: How?
Carla: He told me. I mean, Nick used to stick Polaroids in the family album.

Sam: Hey, Fras, new briefcase?
Frasier: No. It's my new portable cellular telephone, the answer to every busy therapist's prayers. You see, with this, I can instantly get in touch with patients in crisis. Who knows how many lives it may save?
Sam: Looks cool, too?
Frasier: Doesn't it?
Sam: Yeah. [phone rings]
Frasier: Oh, excuse me. Oh, geez. I seem to have forgotten the combination. [phone rings] I was certain I programmed Lilith's birthday so I'd remember it. Oh, no? My birthday. [ringing continues]
Sam: Frasier, that's getting a little annoying.
Frasier: Yeah, yeah. Of course. Freud's birthday.
Carla: [answers the pay phone] Hello. Cheers.

Man: [o.s.] Answer the damn phone!
Frasier: Sorry, sorry. Oh, wait. Jung's address. Finally. [answers phone] Hello. No, there is no Itzhak here.

Rebecca: Woody, here are your tickets.
Cliff: Tickets? Woody gets tickets?
Rebecca: Company season tickets. Patriots-Dolphins tonight. Two on the 40-yard line.
Norm: Ooh-ooh-oh-wee!
Cliff: Oh.
Woody: You know, thanks, Miss Howe. You know, you are the greatest boss I ever had. [Sam clears his throat] I mean you're the prettiest boss I ever had. [Sam clears throat] I mean, thanks.