Sam: Man, what is with these East German babes? All week long I have been trying: phone calls, flowers, the whole thing. What am I doing wrong?
Frasier: Well, Sam, I see no alternative. You're just going to have to become a communist.
Sam: What do you do? Do you apply for membership or something?
Cliff: I cannot believe my ears.
Sam: What?
Cliff: We're not talking about the Moose Lodge here. We're talking communists, the most reprehensible perpetrators of social and economic oppression ever known to mankind. I mean, they brainwash you, they put you to work in some tractor factory, and as for your creature comforts, forget it.
Sam: Yeah, but the stuff you had before you joined is still your stuff, am I right?

Frasier: So, I say to this patient, "Look, you're never going to get well until you get over this paranoia." And he says to me, "l was afraid you'd say that." [laughs] Well, you had to be there.

Sam: Listen, you got to become the ideal woman, you know? Treat him like a god, cater to his every whim.
Carla: Oh, yuck! I can't do that. I can't do frilly. You know what they say.
Sam: "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
Woody: Maybe I shouldn't be butting in here, but you can catch the most with dead squirrels.