Frasier: To recap, sitting in the bar today, we have, among others, a man who was actually simple enough to hypnotize himself. I'd like to offer the suggestion that we've seen it all.
Sam: [enters in army outfit] Ten hut!
Frasier: Happily, I stand corrected.

Sam: Well, it's time for me to be all that I can be.
Carla: You enlisted in the Army, you idiot?
Sam: Hey, we do more by 9:00 a.m. than most people do all day.
Frasier: And that's a selling point to you?
Sam: Yeah, and I've had a bellyful of that Ayatollah guy. Quite frankly I don't like what's been happening in the Persian Gulf. So, I'm off to... Uh, I'm off to Persia. I just wanted to shake a few hands, say good-bye. Kiss a few girls for the last time. [to Rebecca] Well, baby this is good-bye. Yep, this may be the last time you ever see this dogface.
Carla: You can always take a gander at this one. [points to Cliff]

Rebecca: Sam, I had no idea you were this dedicated. This is a wonderful thing you're doing for our country.
Sam: Well, thank you.
Rebecca: Kiss me, Sam, kiss me. [backs away] No, I can't kiss another soldier. Not after Kevin.
Sam: Kevin? Who- Who's Kevin?
Rebecca: Kevin was my boyfriend in high school, and we really loved each other, and then he enlisted in the Army, and I never wrote, and I never saw him again.
Sam: Well, he sounds like a creep. Kiss me and make him jealous.
Rebecca: No, Sam, I'm sorry. Come home safely, doughboy.

Sam: Damn! I mean, what does it take?!
Frasier: Well, maybe you're being too subtle.
Carla: One hour. I don't think either of you heartthrobs got the lips to win.
Woody: Serves you right if you lose, Sam, doing all that weird stuff.
Sam: Me? What about you? You- You and that acting routine. You know something, Woody, I'm getting a little sick and tired of you. You and your wholesome farm boy bit. You're not so dumb.
Woody: I resent that. You're just upset because you're not king of the hill. Well, that's too bad. And I'll tell you another thing. I'm thinking about not writing you when you're overseas.
Sam: Oh, break my heart.

Rebecca: Sam? Can I speak with you a moment?
Sam: You sure can. [chuckling]
Guys: [sing] Over there Over there Send the word, send the word Over there

All: [sing] Sammy and Woody sittin' in a tree K-l-S-S-l-N-G [laughter]
Woody: You were supposed to be Miss Howe.
Sam: That's a rotten thing you did.
Rebecca: Don't talk to me about rotten. What about all this kissing nonsense?
Sam: Yeah, that's different. There's money involved.
Rebecca: Well, I am going to say this once and once only. I am a person who cannot be used. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to drive Mr. Drake's valet to the airport.

Rebecca: How you doing, Woody?
Woody: Fine.
Rebecca: Is that a new shirt?
Woody: You mean the one I'm wearing?
Rebecca: Yes. You look very nice today. Very cute.
Woody: Really? You You mean it? Me? I mean, me- You think me look cute?
Rebecca: Well, I did.

Norm: All right. Wait a minute now. I got ten bucks says Woody can get that kiss.
Cliff: Come on. Will you stop it, Norm? I mean, Woody's got about as much chance of getting a kiss out of Rebecca as Sammy here.
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Hey, whoa, wait, listen, sure, Woody can't do it, but you think I can't come through?
Frasier: You know, rumor has it, Sam, that, uh, the woman finds you utterly repulsive.
Woody: Rumor? Heck, it's in the newsletter.

Frasier: Explain this to me. lf, uh, the winner is gonna get a kiss from Rebecca, what does the loser get?
Cliff: Well, uh... A kiss from Norm. [chuckling]
Norm: Then, of course, there is no loser.
Cliff: [laughing] All right, Normie.

Sam: Anyway, I got this sewn up.
Carla: I don't know, Sammy. I'm on your side, but you know, a lot of women come into this bar wanting to meet the sexy bartender, and more and more of them are not talking about you.
Sam: Hey, wait, wait, wait. Listen, you're not losing faith in me here, are you? I mean, you- you still think I- I got it, don't you?
Carla: Sure I do, but you know, you can't take this thing for granted. Get a little older, you got to work harder, or date uglier.
Sam: Well, you know, come to think of it, Woody is kind of cute, isn't he?
Carla: Mm.
Sam: Oh, this is not good. [clears throat] This is not good for my image at all. I mean, if I let Woody win here, then every young punk with a pair of lips is gonna be challenging me. All right, I got a way to go here. Watch this.
Carla: [to a customer] Hey, hey, these go to table six. And you owe 'em some change.