Rebecca: So, he's coming in town tonight, I haven't seen him for a month, and I don't know... You know, I really need some help here. Now, you've got a reputation of being uninhibited, lowdown, dirty, perverted...
Carla: You should have known me when I was a real slut.
Rebecca: Let me ask you a question. What is the wildest thing you ever did to really get a guy's attention?
Carla: Well, now... Let me see. There was the time I was making love to a guy on a carousel.
Rebecca: Where? An amusement park?
Carla: No, LaGuardia Airport. Want to give it a try?

Frasier: So Cliff's the thimble. I'm the race car. What do you want to be, Norm?
Norm: I'll be the lead pipe, I guess.
Frasier: I don't remember any lead pipe in Monopoly, or this Chinese checker, or these Candyland children. What is this?
Norm: Well, you know, over the years, we've sort of lost parts from the original game, so we mix and match from others.
Frasier: Well, all right. Give me the dice.
Norm: All right. [hands Frasier two large, fuzzy, purple dice]

Frasier: Say, where's Sam off to?
Carla: He's off to a luxury apartment to meet a naked woman.
Cliff: Boy, that guy leads a pretty exciting life compared to us, huh?
Norm: Cliffy, compared to ours, a tapeworm leads a pretty exciting life.
Cliff: You know, I happen to be a bit of an expert on tapeworms. It all goes back to my eighth grade science fair. Everybody else had rabbits and Guinea pigs. I had a tapeworm.
Norm: Really?
Cliff: Yeah, so I couldn't go. Or was that a ringworm?
Norm: Check, please.
Cliff: Uh... Oh, boy, oh, boy. Me and parasites, don't get me started.

Sam: Sorry I'm late. I just got back from my stylist.
Woody: Well, gee, Sam, your hair doesn't look any different.
Sam: Uh, no. This was just for an estimate. I'm thinking of doing a body wave and my insurance company wants me to go to three different places.
Frasier: Sam, you... You have hair insurance?
Sam: Yeah. What, like I'm gonna just walk around with fire and theft?

Woody: I'm buying Reading Railroad, and I'm putting up a house.
Frasier: Woody, you can't put a house on railroad tracks.
Woody: Why not? My Uncle Jim used to do it all the time back in Hanover, on these tracks near where we lived. I mean, it wasn't a real house, though. It was just a fake one made of sticks and canvas. Yeah. He used to hide in the bushes and take pictures of the engineers screaming. He was funny, but he had a twisted side.

Cliff: Hey, Normy, watch my wallet, will you? I got to go see a man about a horse.
Woody: Look at this! Pumpkin seeds are up to 9 cents a pound! This world is going crazy.
Norm: Yeah, I know what you mean, Wood. The dollar ain't worth what it used to be.
Woody: Well, I don't understand. How can a dollar be worth less than a dollar?
Norm: Well, perhaps I can illustrate using one of Cliff's bills here. Ah! Think of this, Woody, as the 1975 dollar, OK?
Carla: It's probably been in that wallet since 1975.
Norm: Now, taking account of inflation [tears off part of the note], OK, the high cost of living [tears again], increased dollars in circulation [tears again], increased buying power of that pesky yen [tears again], and all you have left is a little bit of George Washington's left eye.
Carla: Well, wait a minute, now. Would the same thing apply to, oh... Say, a 20 dollar bill?
Norm: Ah, macroeconomics. Yeah, perhaps we'll just try it and see... The same principles.
Carla: OK, inflation... [tears dollar]
Norm: Uh-huh.
Carla: Cost of living... [tears again]

Woody: All right. I'm the banker.
Norm: No, no, no. I'm trying to explain this to you, Woody. I have to be the banker, all right?
Woody: I'm always the banker.
Norm: No, no. I'm always the banker, OK? Look. If I can't be the banker, I just won't play. How's that?
Woody: Well, maybe I'll just go get my own monopoly board and play with my real friends.
Frasier: Now, let's not be childish. If Woody wants to be the banker, let's let him be. I mean, he can learn from his own mistakes.
Norm: All right, all right. I'll be the race car, though.
Frasier: No, I am always the race car.
Norm: I'm the race car!
Frasier: No, no, no. Oh, really? How well do you do this? [imitates race car]
Cliff: You can argue all you want, but I'm not playing unless I'm the thimble.
Frasier: It's yours, Cliff.

Woody: I just don't get this inflation stuff.
Norm: All right, Woody. Once again, think of this beer as the 1975 dollar, OK? [drink it all] Now it's a 1980 dollar. Fill it up, I'll take you through the Reagan years.
Woody: All right. You might as well forget it, Mr. Peterson. I'm just not getting it.
Norm: Woody, I am willing to sit here all night if that's what it takes, buddy.

Rebecca: Wait. Come here, please. Sit down. This is important. Now, look. I know my relationship with Robin got off to a flying start, but recently, I think that maybe he's finding me boring. Now, how could that be?
Carla: You're dull.
Rebecca: I am only dull on the outside. On the inside, I am a seething cauldron of fun. All I have to do is find something that will make Robin sit up and take notice of me, something that will make him realize what a special person I really am.
Carla: Have you gone to bed with him yet?
Rebecca: No.
Carla: Well, that's always been a good icebreaker for me.
Rebecca: Wait. Wait. Now, look. I did not go to bed with Robin on the first date because I was out of practice. I thought I'd be rotten, and he'd dump me. And on the second date, I didn't go to bed with him because I thought he respected me for not going to bed with him on the first date. And then, by the third date, it was already an old habit. All right. Now I'm going out with him my fourth time, and frankly... I'm hot to trot.

Woody: Economics is so complicated.
Norm: Woody, I could sit here and try to discuss the principles of economics with you till I'm blue in the face, but I've always found that nothing will explain the process quicker than a simple game of Monopoly. Anyone care to join me?
Frasier: Monopoly, eh?
Norm: Yeah!
Frasier: I don't know. Well, Lilith's at home with the baby, they both seem rather tired and cranky, so I really ought to get home by, uh... Thursday.