Rebecca: Well, Robin is gonna be back here in a couple of hours, and what's he gonna do when he sees the two of us together, huh? It would have been one thing if he saw me standing naked in front of the TV. That would have been romantic. What's he gonna do when he comes back here and he sees the two of us together?
Sam: Boy, honey, this... This is one of those complicated situations. I think what we ought to do is go back in the bedroom, take our clothes off, and make hot, passionate love.
Rebecca: That is not going to help.
Sam: It's not going to hurt.

Sam: All right, fine. I'll call the police. They'll get us out.
Rebecca: We happen to be in the apartment, illegally, of one of the richest men in the world.
Sam: Well, so he'll vouch for us.
Rebecca: Yes. He may vouch for me after he dumps me, laughs at me, and never wants to see me again. You, he will leave rotting in jail, where you and your pretty boy features will be traded nightly for a pack of menthols.
Sam: Well, I hate to see you get dumped.

Rebecca: "To deactivate the Triton 5000 Sonic alarm system, find the control panel marked A, and press 4-4-1-2..."
Sam: Great.
Rebecca: "For example. Of course, your code will be a special personalized number that you will choose yourself."
Sam: So what did I just do?
Female Voice: Attention, attention, attention. You have activated the internal laser beam motion detector.
Rebecca: What does that mean?
Sam: Ooh! Oh, this is great. It's just great. I come over for a little action, and I'm stuck in the middle of Star Wars. Give me that thing. "Beams." "Beams." "If the beams are interrupted, there will be an armed response from this company, the Boston Police, and the FBI."
Rebecca: Oh, God, Sam. Not only are we trapped in here, but we can't even move around in here, or we'll set off the alarm system.
Sam: Boy, I wish Cliff and Norm were here.
Rebecca: Why?
Sam: They'd think this was really cool.

Rebecca: [on the phone] Listen to me, Carla. Do not blab this all over the bar, but Sam and I are trapped in Robin's high-security apartment building, and we can't get out.
Carla: Hold on a minute. [to the bar] They're trapped in Robin's high-security apartment building, and they can't get out!
Rebecca: Carla, listen to me. Listen to me. Now, I want you to tell me straight. How good are your kids at breaking and entering, anyway? And do not brag about them just because you're their mother.
Carla: Well, that depends. What kind of system are we talking about here?
Rebecca: It's a Triton 5000 Sonic with laser beams.
Carla: They're not that good. But feel free to call if you're ever trapped in a late model car. They'll have you and the radio out in 60 seconds.

Rebecca: What am I gonna do, Sam? I have blown this. I have blown the entire relationship.
Sam: Come on, take it easy. You're off the hook until morning.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. That just gives me more time to think about it, how humiliated I'm gonna be when Robin walks through that door and finds me in here without permission, lying on the floor with a bartender underneath a grid of laser beams.
Sam: Oh, calm down. Enjoy the light show. You know what we could do to take your mind off this? Why don't I crawl over there, and we could just talk?
Rebecca: You can crawl over here if nothing on your body touches anything on my body. There is one good thing about this whole deal... Seeing you crawl on your belly like a worm.
Sam: I am secure enough of my masculinity to accept that as a compliment.

Rebecca: This was going to be the most fabulous night of my entire life.
Sam: Oh, come on. It's not that bad. I'm kind of enjoying myself. I can't remember the last time that I laid awake at night just talking to somebody. It must be back when I was a kid, sharing a bunk bed with my brother.
Rebecca: [scoffs] You're trying to tell me that with all those thousands of women you supposedly slept with, you never stayed up and talked to one of them?
Sam: What's to talk about? I mean, a guy does all his talking beforehand. [chuckles]

Rebecca: And then we'd do each other's hair all different ways, and then we'd dream about owning a ranch and a bunch of horses.
Sam: What is it with horses? Why do girls get all goopy over horses?
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, and like guys are real rational about cars.
Sam: Hey, listen, you take a- You take '57 Chevy rag top, and you park it right next to some dumb spotted horse, now, you tell me which one you'd want to make out in.
Rebecca: That's a good point.
Sam: Mmm.
Rebecca: You know what? It's sort of interesting. Here you and I are, you know, talking to each other like this, intimately, and I can see that we have our differences, but basically, you know, besides the fact that you're a man and I'm a woman, I don't think we're that different. What do you think?
Sam: [snores]
Rebecca: I do like you better like this. Man... Not one split end. What is this guy's secret? Good night, Sam.

Rebecca: Sam, you're not gonna tell the guys at the bar some wild tales about what happened last night, are you?
Sam: No, no, no, I'm gonna tell them the absolute truth. I walked in here, found you buck naked, spent the night on the floor with you, surrounded by colored lights.
Rebecca: All right. At least tell them I was good.
Sam: I think I could sell that.
Rebecca: You know, Sam, I do have to say that I am very proud of you.
Sam: Why?
Rebecca: Because we spent the whole night together and you didn't lay a hand on me. I want to thank you for that. I want to thank you for being a gentleman.
Sam: Oh, you're welcome. And I want to thank you.
Rebecca: For what?
Sam: For being such a sound sleeper.
Rebecca: You're welcome... Hey!