Woody: The important thing is you're here now, huh? This is gonna be great.
Carla: Would somebody put a gag on Andy Hardy?

Diane: [on the phone] Hello, Dr. Narsutis? This is Diane Chambers. I- Yes, the one who fled. Listen, I- l beg your pardon? Well, yes, of course I accept your apology. He's invited me back.
Sam: Go, go. Go.
Diane: Dr. Narsutis, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm here with my friends, my support system, and there's really no place I'd rather be. I trust this won't affect my grade? Thank you. Good day, sir. [hangs up]
Sam: Turned him down, huh?
Diane: Now that I find myself in the warmth of your company how could I possibly go?
Frasier: Take Mass Ave.
Cliff: l-93.
Diane: You holiday hooligans. Give me a beer.

Diane: Where's your date?
Sam: Oh, change of plans. Her sister showed up.
Diane: Of course she did. Chortle, chortle.
Sam: No, I'm serious. I had a date and it fell through.
Diane: Oh, you don't have to convince me, Sam. I believe you.
Sam: I'm telling you the truth.
Diane: And I love you for it.

Diane: Now wait a minute!
Cliff: Diane, Diane, you're absolutely right. You know, let's turn it back on the football, guys. There you go.
Diane: No, no, no! Enough is enough! I don't think watching television was the pilgrims' original intent when they created the holiday.

Norm: Listen, guys, the, uh, turkey's not exactly brown just yet.
Cliff: What color is it, then?
Norm: Off-white. [all moan] But I've reset the timer and I turned up the gas. I expect the little pop thing will be popping out any time now.

Diane: Well, I suggest we take advantage of the delay and engage in one of my family's favorite little Thanksgiving traditions. Sam, I know you're standing in the hallway. Get in here.
Sam: Rats.
Diane: In lieu of grace, we stand up and take turns toasting that for which we are thankful. Since you're already standing, Sam, why don't you begin?
Sam: All right, I'm, uh I'm thankful that I have a super car and a cool stereo and that I'm not dressed in a pilgrim's outfit.
Cliff: [chuckles] I'll drink to that.
Diane: You make a mockery of everything.

Woody: Hey, you guys, this is Thanksgiving. And I still say this is going to be the greatest.
Frasier: Oh, who the hell do we think we're kidding? We're all a bunch of pathetic dropouts. Scorned by our loved ones, as if anybody ever loved us at all.
Sam: Hey, will you lighten up, man? The only thing wrong here is we're hungry. Now who else wants to join me in these ice-cold potatoes?
Cliff: Hey, they'll go great here with the, uh, Jell-O soup.
Frasier: You know, I'm dying to try some of the hair growing on the crudites.

Woody: I knew this was gonna be the greatest.
Frasier: Huh? Good bird.
Sam: Hey, Diane, may I say you look saucy in cranberry. [chuckles]
Diane: Laugh while you can, Sam. Just remember that revenge is a dish best served cold. You won't know when and you won't know where, but I'm going to get you.

Woody: Now that we're done with dinner, I'd like to make a toast to our loved ones who weren't fortunate enough to be here with us.
Sam: Nice thought.
Woody: Uh, Mom, Dad, Uncle Fergie...
Carla: My kids.
Norm: All right, Vera.
Sam: Yeah.
Cliff: Ma.
Sam: Coach.
All: Yeah.
Diane: God bless you all.

Norm: Thermometer, yeah! We can say it till we're blue in the face. It's not gonna make it pop out any faster. I think something's wrong with your oven, Carla.
Carla: Hey, my oven was just fine until you stuffed Birdzilla in it.
Sam: Come on, you guys, come on. We don't have to bite each other's heads off here.
Cliff: It may be the only thing we get to eat this day, Sammy.