Woody: Hey, Miss Chambers, what's the pilgrim get-up for?
Diane: Oh, I was hoping somebody might ask.
Sam: We're gonna have to talk later, Woody.
Diane: My graduate American Literature professor, Doctor Narsutis, annually recreates the first Thanksgiving dinner at his home. He only invites two or three favored students to break bread with his family and other honored guests such as William Styron. And guess who's going to be there?
Woody: William Styron?
Diane: Yes, Woody.
Woody: Ah, heck, anybody coulda got it if they'd really been listening.

Diane: Sam, I had thought we would spend the holidays together, but when you made no move in that direction, I made these alternate plans. I hope it won't spoil your holiday.
Sam: Thank you. No, l, I have, I have other plans.
Diane: Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that. And in all fairness, I will understand if you get an escort for the day. It really wouldn't hurt my feelings in the slightest.
Sam: Good. Good, good, 'cause I already have a date with Wendy.
Diane: [emotional] How could you?
Sam: Now you just said that it was okay, didn't you?
Diane: Yes. I'm sorry. It's fine. Enjoy.
Sam: Thank you.
Diane: Besides, I know that we'll have many holidays together when you and I are one.
Sam: You already are one, Diane.

Carla: Well, I'm on my own this year.
Sam: Kids aren't with ya?
Carla: Nah. They're in Atlantic City with Nick.
Woody: Yeah, this is my first Thanksgiving away from home. I mean, unless you count last year.

Carla: Besides, you'll be with your mother.
Cliff: No, no, not this year. Uh, she's goin' down and ladle out some cream of something to the folks down at the Rescue Mission.
Diane: Oh, how sweet.
Cliff: Yeah.
Carla: Why don't you join her?
Cliff: Are you kiddin'? I did my part this year. I was in "Hands Across America," remember?

Diane: Well, I'm so relieved. Now I don't have to worry about my poor little Thanksgiving orphans whilst I sup with the literati.
Sam: Boy, you know, I don't know who's luckier. You, 'cause you get to go to that great party, or us 'cause you get to go to that great party.

Frasier: May I change the channel or are you guys watching this halftime salute to our fabulous universe?
Cliff: No, go ahead.
Frasier: Oh, the parade.
Commentator: [on TV] And who's this flying our way? None other than a 60-foot Mighty Mouse.
Woody: All right, Mighty Mouse!

Carla: She is comin', isn't she?
Norm: Well, uh, maybe.
Cliff: Well, what're you sayin' there, Normie?
Norm: We had the worst fight of our marriage.
Cliff: Oh, it's tough.
Norm: She knew how much this meant to me and she still insisted on goin' to her mother's. So I told her, "Look, I'm goin' to Carla's. You wanna meet me there, fine. If you want to go to your mother's, you can just stay there."
[Frasier has a look of silent indignation as Norm turns the TV around to face his side of the room, and Woody and Cliff slide down the couch to get a better view]

Carla: Well, you know, Norm, I don't think you should worry about it. She'll probably come to her senses and show up.
Woody: The important thing is that you're here with us now. This is gonna be the best Thanksgiving ever.
Norm: All right, Woody. You know, I brought that turkey and, uh...
Woody: Mr.P., that turkey seems kinda big and raw. You think it's gonna be ready in time for dinner?
Norm: Well, I had planned on just a bit more cookin' time, Woods, but, uh, traffic on l-93 was bumper-to-bumper.
Cliff: l-93? I took the side streets. I got here in 35 minutes, buddy.
Frasier: Oh, you didn't take Mass Avenue all the way?
Woody: I took Commonwealth. [all talking over each other]
Norm: I need the quickest way to get to the kitchen right now.
Carla: Oh, yeah, come on. I'll show you where everything is.
[As Norm takes the turkey into the kitchen, Frasier gets up, turns the TV back to his side of the room, and Woody and Cliff slide back down the couch to their original seats]

Carla: So, uh, where's your date?
Sam: Oh. Well, there's a change of plans. Her sister showed up from out of town and they didn't like my idea, so what the hell, you know? Hey, guys. Hey, yeah, watch the parade. [Sam turns the TV to the other side of the room]

Diane: I'm afraid my golden afternoon turned to dross.
Woody: I thought it was clouding up.
Diane: The moment I arrived at the home of my professor, I was greeted by a man with a clipboard who handed me a tray and told me to serve a daiquiri to Ms. Radziwill.
Sam: Oh.
Diane: We students were invited as domestic help. [Carla giggles] That might be all right when you're a wide-eyed 19-year-old, but it's certainly not all right when you're... not.