Diane: Maybe I can still catch him.
Sam: Fine. And while you're up there floating around, remember the day I said this: you are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met.
Diane: You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered-
Sam: Shut up! Shut your fat mouth.
Diane: Make me.
Sam: Make you? My God, I'm gonna... I'm gonna bounce you off every wall in this office.
Diane: Try it, and you'll be walking funny tomorrow. Or should I say funnier?
Sam: You know... You know, I always wanted to pop you one. Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?
Diane: You disgust me. I hate you.
Sam: Are you as turned on as I am?
Diane: More. [they kiss]

Norm: What's wrong, Coach?
Coach: Oh, I didn't get the job in Venezuela. They hired another guy.
Cliff: Oh, jeez, what's the matter? They didn't like your Spanish?
Coach: No, no, the Spanish was fine. They didn't like my English.
Cliff: See, that's too bad, Coach. Sorry.
Coach: Well, que so what, so what.

Norm: Diane, do you mind if I say something?
Diane: Of course not, Norman.
Norm: Sometimes a man and a woman are so afraid of being vulnerable to rejection that neither one of them will take the first step of admitting their true feelings.
Diane: Norman, that's beautiful.
Norm: I do have a romantic side, Diane. I know I make a lot of jokes about Vera, but the truth is if that woman ever packed her bags and left me, I don't know what I'd do... first.

Carla: Coach. Coach, what did you do that for? That was our chance to get rid of her once and for all. Are you crazy?
Coach: Crazy, Carla? [taps his head] Crazy like a doorknob.

Cliff: Well, well, well, Coach, it's just clear we've reached a philosophical impasse here. You know, much like the question of the tree falling in the woods.
Coach: The what?
Cliff: The tree falling in the woods.
Coach: Oh.
Cliff: The question is, if a tree falls in the woods and there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Coach: Well, if there's nobody there, how do you know it fell?
Cliff: Well, Coach, we assume that it fell.
Coach: But you don't know.
Cliff: OK, I went into the woods yesterday and saw the tree lying on the ground.
Coach: Well, a bunch of beavers could have chewed on it and then gently lowered it to the ground.
Cliff: Well, you got me there on that one, Coach. How about another beer?
Coach: I'm telling you, Cliff, you surprise me. You're not prepared at all tonight.
Cliff: Yeah, well, I fell asleep while going over my notes preparing for our conversation, today, Coach.
Coach: Oh, you do that too, huh?

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm.
Coach: How you doing, Norm?
Norm: Coach, I'm on top of the world. Which is a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere.

Paul: How's your new job coming, Norm?
Norm: Don't bring that up. I am no longer in the employ of Goldstein, Borman and Kawakami.
Sam: What happened?
Norm: I discovered that so-called medical corporation was a polite term for a den of thieves. They're in the business of cheating on taxes.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, so you resigned in protest, huh?
Norm: Well, I took a long lunch and they canned me.
Sam: The last angry man.
Norm: Damn right, I'm angry, Sammy. Those are rich people cheating on taxes. And who has to foot the bill? Honest folks. Like me and you, and all you nice people at the bar that I've listed as my dependents.

Coach: What can I get you, honey?
Diane: I'll have a soda water. You know what, Coach, you never take a day off.
Coach: No, Thursday's my day off.
Diane: You work every Thursday.
Coach: Yeah, but I go a little slower, you know.

Diane: Coach, let me ask you a question.
Coach: Diane, you're asking a guy who's taken a lot of fast balls in the head. Are you sure you want to ask the question?
Diane: Coach, do you think I'm a smart person?
Coach: You're the smartest person I ever met.
Coach: Well, l, Diane Chambers, bred and educated to walk with kings, once offered a full scholarship at the Sorbonne, have allowed myself to become attracted to a six-foot-three-inch bubble-gum card.
Coach: Well, gee, I think I can help you with the sore buns, Diane, but... the rest of what you say is all over my head.
Diane: Coach, I'm making a confession here. Not just to you, but to myself. Maybe I'll feel better after I say this. I... I...
Coach: I got it. You're hot for Sam's chili?
Diane: I think Keats would have said it differently, but I'll accept that.

Coach: Look, Diane, if you like Sam at all, I don't understand what the problem is here.
Diane: Derek's making a commitment. All I ever get from Sam is adolescent flirtation. I'm not sticking around for that. If he'd give me something, anything, I'd stay.
Coach: Diane. Diane, you don't understand Sam. Sam's the kind of a guy, you know, he keeps his feelings to himself. I mean, the more- The more he cares about something, the less he shows it. I mean, I've been with him through his divorce, through his boozing, through the end of his career. And let me tell you something, the tougher things got, I mean, the cooler he got. You know something, it's a damn sure bet that if he's not expressing himself to you, he's nuts about you. Or he couldn't care less.