Pete: I'm telling you, it's only a hundred times faster.
Norm: What are you talking about? It's got to be a thousand times faster.
Cliff: What's this, a discussion on the bullet train?
Norm: No, no. Fax machine versus the mailman.

Rebecca: Come on, you guys. Why do you have to pick on Cliff all the time? He's a nice man. And if he's worried about the side effects of some medication, I think we could be sensitive to his concerns.
Cliff: Well, it's very nice of you, Rebecca, but you don't have to come to my defense.
Rebecca: No, I want to do this. Why does Cliff always have to be the butt of our stupid jokes? You know, Cliff, I went through a very similar situation myself.
Cliff: Really?
Rebecca: Yes, I did. I was taking the exact same medication for a skin problem, and it cleared up beautifully. I just hope that puts your mind at ease.
Cliff: Well, it does that, and I thank you. So when did all this happen to you?
Rebecca: It was years ago. I was just a little boy at the time.

Sam: Yeah, as a matter of fact, he was in here a couple hours ago. He ran out pretty upset, too.
Lilith: Oh, it's all my fault. My behavior this afternoon was unspeakable. I embarrassed myself, and even worse, I humiliated the man I love in front of thousands of people. I will never, ever forgive myself.
Woman: I saw you on TV today. You were terrific.
Lilith: Oh, thank you very much.
Woman: Sure.

Frasier: Come on in, Viper. Meet the gang. Gang, this is Viper.
Ellen: My real name is Ellen. He just likes to call me Viper.
Frasier: She likes to call me Slash.
Ellen: That's right, Frasier.
Sam: So where did you two meet?
Frasier: Well, actually, truth be told, Viper kind of picked me up. [chuckles]
Ellen: Yeah. He was crossing against the light and slipped on an icy patch.
Frasier: Darn near split my pants.
Sam: Could I speak to you for a second? What are you, nuts? What the hell are you doing?
Frasier: Sam, I am simply expressing my inner gonzo self. Viper's the perfect kind of girl for me. She's wild, she's free. Hair smells of Pennzoil in the summer.

Woody: You know, Ms. Viper, I used to belong to a bikers' gang.
Ellen: Really? What kind of bike?
Woody: Schwinn. 3-speed, banana seat.
Ellen: Boy, Frasier, you were right when you said, "Next stop... Dweebville."
Carla: Yeah. This is state headquarters.

Ellen: Come on. It's time for us to hit the road.
Frasier: Yeah, from now on, this is the kind of life I'm living. Out on the highway doing 180 miles an hour with bugs in our teeth. So, where we heading?
Ellen: Florida.
Frasier: Florida? That's far.
Ellen: Yeah. So what? You love riding the bike, barreling down the highway with the wind screaming in our ears.
Frasier: Well, kind of a confession to make, Viper. That wasn't the wind screaming in your ears. That was me.
Ellen: I should have guessed that. It was the first time I heard the wind scream the Lord's Prayer.

Frasier: Viper, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to go to Florida on your own.
Ellen: So you're just blowing me off?
Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Viper. But I'll always remember the good times we had on the bike, even after my kidneys fall back into place.
Lilith: Come, Frasier, let's go keep that appointment.
Frasier: You're rescheduling me? It must be love.

Brenda Balzak: Well, let's get to know the boys. First let's start with our bad boy. Sam, just so we can picture this, what could a woman expect from an evening with you?
Sam: Ha ha. I don't think I can say that on TV, Brenda.
Brenda Balzak: Why not?
Sam: [chuckles] Well, because basically... [whispers in Brenda's ear]
Brenda Balzak: Ooh. You're the one who should write a book.

Norm: Hey, whoa, Cliffie. Slow down on those things, buddy. Are you sure they're safe?
Cliff: Yeah, of course they're safe. Prescription.
Norm: Yeah, but you... Can't be sure, you know. I mean, it says here, "may cause dullness of the senses."
Carla: We better check his reflexes. Where's that ball-peen hammer?
Norm: "May cause gynecomastia." What the hell's that?
Cliff: I don't know. Let me see it. Hey, doc. What's, uh... Gynecomastia?
Frasier: Oh, male breast enlargement.
Cliff: Doc, uh... I've been taking these pills here.
Frasier: Oh, well, Cliff, you'll be all right. You'd have to take five times the prescribed amount here to even begin to...Well, shall we say, blossom.
Cliff: Boy, that really steams me. I mean, you go to some quack who gives you a prescription for a simple skin condition, and you find out you might turn into a woman. God, I'm so angry, I could cry.
Woody: That time of the month.

Sam: I got to warn you, ladies. I'm a pretty bad boy. I'm going out with you at 10:00, and I'm going out with you at 12:00, and they both know.
Woman #1: Do something else bad.
Sam: No.
Woman #2: Why not?
Sam: 'Cause you want me to. [they applaud] Thank you, thank you. Besides, you know, starting tomorrow, I'm going to be a good boy.
Women: Aw!
Sam: I'm just lying. Boy, is that bad, or what?
Woman #3: Lie to me, lie to me.
Sam: All right, sure.