Sam: What the hell's wrong with him?
Frasier: Well, it's a common phenomenon, really. A young, impressionable lad, such as Woody, gets his first taste of a foreign country, and he comes back a little affected. I mean, give him a few hours, he'll be fine. You know, I remember when I came back from my first trip abroad. Oh, God, I was pompous and unbearable! Condescending to all my old friends. Of course, I wouldn't expect you fellows to understand. It's a complicated matter.

Norm: You're gonna have to give up an awful lot of stuff. For example, no more limousines.
Kelly: Oh, that's okay. I can take taxis.
Norm: No, Kelly, I don't think Woody can even afford taxis. You'll have to take the subway.
Kelly: The what?
Norm: The "T". You know, the subway.
Kelly: Come again?
Norm: The subway, the the little trains that run underground, carry people back and forth.
Kelly: Right, an underground train. You're such a joker, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Kelly, they exist, and, and most people take them to work every day.
Kelly: Sure they do, Mr. Peterson. All right, I'll take your little underground train tomorrow morning. Underground trains! Woo-woo!

Kelly: Hi, everybody. Where's Woody?
Rebecca: Well, he's out looking for you. What happened, Kelly? Did you get lost?
Kelly: No, I was having such a great time I didn't want it to end. I love the subway.
Rebecca: Wait a minute, you liked the subway?
Kelly: Not at first. I got real angry because a lot of other people tried to get on my subway car. And then I met some young people who apparently work for the city because they were spray-painting the walls, and they let me write, "Kelly loves Woody," in a big red heart. And then the pigs came and we ran.

Sam: I am proud of you, man. A lot of people would have quit after that little bout of vomiting.
Frasier: Thank you, Sam. I feel that from this point on, I can live a life of healthful moderation and physical fitness.
Carla: [enters] Okay, everybody, Lud is trying to raise money for his class trip to Colonial Williamsburg. Now who wants to help by buying some chocolate bars?
Frasier: I'll take 15 boxes!
Carla: Boy, that's great, Doc. All you got to do is fill out this order form, you'll have your candy in two weeks.
Frasier: Two weeks?! I want them now! Listen, Lud. Lud, here, go down to the store for me, get me a couple of KitKats, and I will personally drive you to Colonial Williamsburg.
Ludlow: Sorry, Dr. Crane. Two weeks.
Frasier: Oh, forget it, then, you rotten kid. No sale. You should have the chocolate on you. What do they teach you in that school of yours anyway?
Sam: Come on, Fras.
Frasier: Well, it's true. What the hell am I paying property taxes for?! Oh! Sam! [voice breaking] I hurt so much!

Woody: Mr. Peterson, more crisps?
Norm: What the hell are crisps?
Woody: Well, they're what you call potato chips. Although what I call chips, you would call French fries.
Norm: So, what are you saying, we have French fries?
Woody: Oh, Mr. Peterson, there's so much you don't see from your little bar stool.
Norm: Stop teasing me, Woody! Do we have French fries, or don't we?

Cliff: Boy, oh, boy. Woody and Kelly split up, huh?
Frasier: Yes, well, I guess having access to all her money made him feel a little like a leech.
Cliff: You, uh, seem to make the word "leech" sound, uh, pejorative, there, Fras. An educated man would be proud to be called a leech. Leeches are a boon to mankind.
Frasier: I take it you're referring to the practice of using leeches as a medical cure-all, a practice which has been discredited for centuries now.
Cliff: Discredited or covered up?
Frasier: Well, you've got me there.
Cliff: Sure, your big drug companies don't want you to find out about leeches. You know why? Leeches are free. Yes, sir. I- I have great respect for the leech.
Frasier: I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

Rebecca: Carla, what are you doing?
Carla: Uh, would you hand me that bucket of ice water, please?
Rebecca: Sure. When you tell me what you're doing.
Carla: Well, Clavin's almost done with his route, see? So I'm gonna put this bucket up here on the ledge...
Rebecca: Oh, and then the water will fall on his head. How mature.
Carla: You know, that's your problem, Rebecca. You don't know how to have any fun.
Rebecca: Sure I do. It's just not at the expense of other people. I just go out with my friends and have a good time. Now, don't you ever get together with your friends and- and just have fun?
Carla: Well, I guess I would, but nobody ever asks me to do anything.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, Carla.
Carla: Yeah. Sounds like fun. I don't know.
Rebecca: Say, Carla, do you want to...
Carla: Yeah?
Rebecca: I don't have anything to do later. I mean, want to go grab a pizza, or see a movie or something?
Carla: You and me?
Rebecca: Well, if you want to.
Carla: Yeah. I think I'd really like that.
Rebecca: Yeah? All right, we'll do it. I mean, who knows? Maybe it'll be fun. Let me just grab my coat.
[As Rebecca walks into her office, a bucket of water pours on her head]
Carla: So, what time should I be there?

Kelly: Hi, gang!
Woody: Hi-ho, chaps.
Sam: Wood!
Carla: Whoa! Well, look at you. If it isn't Oliver Twit.

Cliff: Boy, check out the threads on that dude, huh?
Woody: Oh, just a little something I picked up at Savile Row.
Sam: Oh! Savile Row! I guess the trip to England made a big impression on you, huh?
Woody: Ah, it's a fabulous place, Sam. Very civilized. You know, when you drive on the left-hand side of the road over there, they don't scream and honk at you like they do here.
Norm: Got anything in the, uh, bag?
Woody: Here we go. Toilet water for everyone. Don't worry, it's not what you think.

Kelly: Woody, we've got to be going.
Woody: Right. If James has to circle the block more than once, he has a hissy fit.
Kelly: Boy, chauffeurs, huh, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: Oh, yeah. I have that trouble with mine all the time.
Kelly: Really? What do you do?
Rebecca: I wake up.