Sam: Keep going, man. You're doing great. [Frasier pants] What's the matter, jump rope too much for you?
Frasier: Forgive me but a jump rope is a delightful children's toy used to while away delightful spring days. I'm not a delightful child. I am a miserable, overweight wretch who is praying for death.
Sam: Got a saying, Frasier: no pain, no gain.
Frasier: I also have a saying, Sam. I can't feel my right arm!

Carla: Hey, Rebecca, Lud is trying to raise money for his class trip. Now, how many chocolate bars do you want?
Rebecca: I think you're taking advantage of us.
Carla: Oh, Lud, Miss Howe doesn't want to buy any candy. Why don't you go into your sales pitch?
[Lud folds his arms, turns away from Rebecca and holds his breath]
Rebecca: It's not gonna work, Lud. You can breathe now. Okay, fine. I am just gonna go about my work as usual. [whistling] All right, fine! Five bars! [Ludlow sputters]
Carla: Isn't he great, you know? He helped knock 500 bucks off the price of our last car. Remember that, Lud?
Ludlow: Part of it.

Rebecca: Norm, you don't have to get upset with Woody. He's just been on the trip of a lifetime, and it rubbed off a little bit. That's not such a surprise.
Woody: Say it, don't spray it. This is cashmere, Miss Howe.
Rebecca: You little snot! I knew you back when you were just an ignorant farm boy. That was about a week and a half ago!
Woody: You're right. That was about a fortnight, wasn't it?
Rebecca: Oh.

Sam: Come here. I want to talk to you for a second.
Woody: Yeah, what is it, Sam?
Sam: I don't know how to put this. [slaps Woody's head]
Woody: Ow! What's the matter with you, Sam?
Sam: I'll tell you what's the matter. You're acting like a real ass.
Woody: I think you mean "arse." [Sam slaps Woody again] That's starting to hurt! You know, it doesn't take a fool to see what's going on here, but I do. You're all jealous. This is a case of "Poor little us." We don't have the money to do the things that Woody can do." Well, as we say back in merry old England... tough!
Norm: Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody, come here. Look...
Woody: Yes, Mr. Peterson.?
Norm: All Sam was trying to s- [Norm slaps Woody's head] Ow! That was for the French fries, okay?

Woody: What's the matter with you guys? Why are you all hitting me?
Cliff: Well, 'cause your hanging around with rich people has turned you into a little monster.
Woody: What are you talking about? I'm no monster. I'm still the same old Woody Gaines. Wait a minute, I'm Woody Boyd, right? Oh, Sam, I have changed, haven't l?
Sam: Yeah, I'm afraid you have. [goes to hug Woody]
Woody: Ah, don't don't hit me again, all right? You don't have to beat it into me, all right? I know I'm a jerk! I'm the biggest jerk that ever lived! [crying]
Cliff: Hey, uh, how come I didn't get a chance to smack him?
Kelly: Hi, Woody. I just dropped David and Arlene off at the hotel, and... Uh-oh, something's wrong. I can tell.
Woody: [crying] I'll tell you what's wrong, Kelly. All your money has changed me. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm pretending to be English. I'm pretending to be something I'm not. My life has gone completely down the loo!

Norm: Kelly. There, there.
Kelly: Mr. Peterson, you're so understanding.
Norm: Uh, well, uh, yes...
Kelly: Thanks for reaching out.
Norm: Yeah, Kelly, uh... [laughing] Cheer up!
Kelly: It's just that I'm so alone. I feel that all the love has gone out of my life. Am I bothering you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, no, it's either, uh, listen to it here or listen to it at home.

Norm: Okay, finally. Daddy's home.
Sam: [enters] Oh, I couldn't catch up with Woody. I saw saw Kelly going down the street. Is she all right?
Norm: Oh, no, Sammy, she looked real really upset. You better go after her.
Sam: All right, all right. [exits]
Norm: [pours beer] Sometimes I swear it'd be easier to just buy these things.

Kelly: Woody!
Woody: Oh, Kelly, thank God you're okay.
Kelly: Woody, what happened to you?
Woody: Oh, I got mugged on the subway.
Kelly: Oh, my poor Woody. Come and sit down. Do you want me to call the pigs?

Woody: I'm okay now. They didn't get much. They just scared me a little. Kelly, I don't ever want you to ride that subway again.
Kelly: Oh, but Woody, I just wanted to show you that I can live without all my money.
Woody: Well, I don't want you to live without your money. I- I think it's wrong for someone to have to give up their money. Kind of came to me as I was handing over my wallet.

Woody: Ah, it's good to be back, guys. Yeah, even though I had to give up Kelly and I'm heartbroken, I'm pretty miserable, at least I'm not rich.
Norm: Well, Wood, it may not be as bad as you think.
Woody: Well, what do you mean, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Kelly and I had a little heart-to-heart last night, and, uh, it turns out she's gonna give up her money and try to live the way you do.
Woody: Kelly wants to do that for me?
Norm: Yep, matter of fact, she's taking the subway over here right now.
Woody: Kelly's taking the subway by herself?
Norm: Yeah, she wanted to prove to you she could do normal things.
Woody: Well, she can't do normal things. She's never learned how. She's gonna be eaten alive on that subway!
Norm: Go after her, Wood.
Woody: Good idea, Mr. Peterson. Can you watch the bar for me?
Norm: Oh, all right! Some days, Cliffie, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.