Frasier: You know, I'm glad Coach stopped me to ask me about career opportunities in psychiatry. Yes, Harvard is excellent. You see, it gave me some time to reflect. Diane, you must come back to work.
Diane: I must?
Frasier: You and Sam went through a violent emotional experience. Now this will give you an opportunity to defuse, to demythologise your romance.
Diane: Isn't he amazing?
Frasier: Abundantly.

Frasier: You're a failure in everything you've tried to do and you're gutless because you won't admit it. You've hurt your friends, you hurt everyone who's ever tried to reach you. You make me sick! Sam, tell me what's on your mind.
Sam: I'm wondering how much this is gonna cost.
Frasier: You're thinking of money?
Sam: Yeah, I hope it's not going to be a lot because, the truth is, I can get Diane to come in here and do this for free. She used to abuse me for free all the time. Well, it wasn't exactly free. I had to sleep with her.

Frasier: Uh-oh.
Sam: What?
Frasier: This is very distressing. I hear Sam "the failure" talking.
Sam: You said I was abundantly human twice.
Frasier: An abundantly human person is not resistant to change.
Sam: I want to quit, that's a change.
Frasier: Sam, you're becoming compulsive on this point. I think we should double our sessions.
Sam: Double? Oh, come on, Frasier! I'm going to be OK, really.
Frasier: Your progress has been remarkable.
Sam: Good, good, let's quit.

Cliff: Here's to Sammy. Ten days without the slow death of demon alcohol.
Sam: No, no. Come on guys, don't toast me for that. I tell you, getting back on the bottle was the stupidest thing I ever did. I was reading in an article the other day, alcohol actually eats huge holes in the tissue of your...
Norm: You know, some people like bartenders who tell great stories and jokes.
Cliff: No, no, give me a good temperance lecture any time.
Sam: I'm sorry, you guys.

Sam: Coach, this is the moment I've been dreading.
Coach: Why, Sam?
Sam: Diane's here and she's probably going to beg me to get back together again and I'm going to have to break her heart.
Coach: Oh, my God, that's terrible.
Sam: No, the terrible thing is, I'm looking forward to it.

Julie: [talking about Diane] Hey, Coach. Who's "Miss God's Gift to the World?"
Coach: Gee, I didn't see the show this year, honey. I think Miss Kansas won.

Diane: Strange to be here again. Using a new cologne?
Sam: Oh, no, that's the roach bomb. But, you know, hey, that's not a...

Norm: Coach, I think something we thought we'd seen the last of is about to resurface.
Carla: Yeah, my lunch.

Sam: Well, why didn't you say something sooner?
Diane: Well, Frasier didn't want to tell you because he was afraid it would interfere with your therapy. We had a terrible fight about it... No, actually, we had a wonderful fight about it. Frasier has taught me that fighting can be wonderful if you lay out the ground rules, share your hurt, and never lose respect for the other's abundant humanness.
Sam: Boy, you people with full lives.

Sam: Wait, a second here. Guys, I think you ought to hear this. Diane here's got herself a new fella. Turns out she and Frasier Crane are lovers.
Norm: Ooh.
Diane: What do you mean, ooh?
Norm: I mean ooh two should be very happy together.