Cliff: Oy that's something, eh, Norm? Remember the good old days? When you used to be able to take an argument like that between two gals and turn them into the Jets and the Sharks?
Norm: Tell you what, Cliffie, for you, I'm gonna tee it up one more time.
Cliff: All right.
Norm: Watch this. Rebecca, uh, I noticed your little exchange with Carla over there, and I have to say, I admire your management technique.
Rebecca: Thank you very much, Norm.
Norm: It takes a lot of courage, you know, to humiliate yourself just for the well-being of one employee. If you were a Japanese businessman, I mean, to lose face like that, you'd probably have to commit some sort of ritual suicide, you know? But here in America...
Rebecca: Carla! Come in my office, bring that time card and a pen.
Carla: I'd better be getting a raise. [enters Rebecca's office]
Cliff: Oh, the master returns from his triumphal march to the valley of evil.
Carla: [returns] I got a raise.

Lilith: Frasier, I have to leave. There's been an emergency.
Frasier: Is it Frederick?
Lilith: No, no. Otto, my lab assistant, has gotten into the synthetic hormones again. I have to bail him out. Or her. I won't know until I get there.

Sam: Got a little problem here. l, uh, called to get approval on your credit card here, and they told me it was stolen.
Frasier: Well that's utterly ludicrous, Sam.
Sam: Well, yeah, that's what I told them, but they- they insisted that it is stolen.
Frasier: Yes, I- I knocked myself over the head and stole my own credit card. That's brilliant, Sam. Who would ever suspect me?
Sam: I'm not kidding here. You know, they're very serious about their rules. They told me that I have to cut this up.
Frasier: You wouldn't, Sam!
Sam: I don't want to, no! Tell you what. Um, why don't l, uh, run a tab, huh?
Frasier: Well, I don't need a tab. It's a perfectly good card!
Sam: Well, why don't I just, uh? This is on the house, all right?
Frasier: Oh, fine! Now you're adding insult to injury! Well, I don't take charity! Just give me back my card!

Norm: He's blowing off steam. He'll be back.
Sam: Oh, I hope so.
Cliff: Well... [clears throat] I guess we really messed up, huh?
Norm: We learned our lesson, Cliff. We've got to stop messing with people's minds.
Cliff: Yeah, I agree.
Norm: By the way, your fly's open, buddy.
Cliff: [without looking down] Yeah, so's yours. [both laughing]
Norm: You can't expect a guy to go cold turkey, you know. [laughs] You checked, didn't you, Cliff?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, like you weren't looking through the bottom of that beer mug.

Woody: You're calling this stuff "crap"?
Rebecca: I'm sorry, Woody.
Woody: No, no, I was looking for the right word.
Rebecca: Well, if you don't like it either, why do you keep buying this stuff?
Woody: Not "stuff," Miss Howe, "crap." I buy it because it looks good on TV. The second they flash that 800 number, I'm dialing.
Rebecca: Woody, this- This has got to stop.
Woody: Well, it- It has stopped, Miss Howe. I went over my credit limit with this crap. Unless, of course, you'd care to advance me six months on my paycheck. Could be another necklace in it for you. And- And if you decide not to give me the advance, just keep the necklace as your free gift.
Rebecca: Woody, you are hooked. Listen to me, you need help.
Woody: I don't need help, I just need more credit. You're right, Miss Howe, I do need help. I'm scared. Help me. Hurry. Act now.

Sam: Well, I just got in touch with Frasier.
Norm: Oh, yeah, what'd he say?
Sam: Well, he said that he considers these phone calls a harassment. If I don't cease and desist, he's gonna get a court order restraining me from coming within 50 feet of him.
Cliff: Restraining order, the last resort of shrinks and housewives in nightgowns.

Lilith: Frasier, get a grip.
Frasier: Oh, you're right, you're right. You know, Sam's done me a favor actually. Instead of spending the night there in his sleazy saloon, I'm... I'm at home here with my love. I'm going to serenade you.
Lilith: Why, Frasier, you haven't done that since... Have you ever done that?
Frasier: Well, I'm doing it now. Remember this one, darling? [plays gentle melody]
Lilith: How could I forget?
Frasier: [sings] Autumn in New York
Lilith: [sings] Moonlight in Vermont
Lilith: You sing it.
Frasier: All right. [sings] Autumn in New York What makes it seem so exciting? Autumn in New York It spells the thrill of first nighting [music stops]
Lilith: It was a lovely honeymoon, wasn't it?
Frasier: [voice breaks] I bought this piano with my gold card. I mean, yes, dear.

Norm: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Frasier, Frasier, wait a minute. Before this thing gets any further, come on now, sit down, relax. I think it's time that both you guys understand the truth. Cliffie?
Cliff: Well, Fras, see, yesterday, uh, Normie and l, we were feeling a little frisky and as sort of a gag, we, uh, made a phone call and reported your credit card stolen.
Norm: My God, Cliff, that is fraud! You think you know a guy, Sam.
Sam: Damn it, Norm. Come on.
Norm: All right, all right, all right. I may have, uh, been in the vicinity during that phone call. I might have actually dialed the number.

Sam: Boy. You guys are really stirring it up, aren't you? Okay, fellas, give me your credit cards right now.
Norm: What?
Cliff: Aw.
Sam: Give me your credit cards.
Norm: You- You can't cut them up.
Sam: I'm not gonna cut them up.
Norm: Don't cut them up, Sam.
Sam: Woody, you're back in business. Shop away.
Norm: Oh, no.
Woody: All right.
Cliff: Get the scissors and cut them right now.

Norm: Cliffie, come on now. Buck up, buddy. You're, you're just warming up here. You got to start out with an easy one first, huh?
Cliff: Yeah.
Norm: Look, there's- There's Paul! There's Paul.
Cliff: Hey. Hey, Paul!
Paul: Shut up, fathead!