Frasier: Great. We're lost, can't start the car. Way to go, Sam.
Sam: Oh, now wait a minute. Don't blame me, you know. It's Cliff's fault for wanting to see America like the pioneers. We should've stayed on the main road.
Cliff: Did Charles Kuralt stay on the main road?

Paul: Hey, Rebecca?
Rebecca: Yes?
Paul: Rumor has it you've, uh, slept with every guy in the bar.
Rebecca: What?
Paul: So, uh, how come you haven't done the wild thing with old Paul, huh? [Rebecca goes into her office] I never get included in anything.

Frasier: She thinks it's all very childish.
Lilith: No, I don't. Oh, tell your little friends all about your big field trip.
Frasier: Primal journey, Lilith. You see, I'm just gonna get into my car and go. Out on the open road. I'm taking a week off. I'm gonna get in touch with my hidden beast.
Sam: Ah, good luck.
Frasier: Thanks, Sam. You know, actually I was gonna invite you to join me. You see, I get a little nervous when I drive at night.

Rebecca: Look, guys, postcards from Woody.
Sam: Hey, all right.
Rebecca: Listen to mine. "Dear Miss Howe, I'm having a great time on vacation. I miss everyone there, but I miss you most of all. Love, Woody." What does yours say, Sam?
Sam: "Dear Sam, I'm having a great time on vacation. I miss everyone there, but I miss you most of all. Love, Woody."
Norm: "I'm having a great time on vacation. I miss everyone there, but I miss you most of all. Love, Woody." Cliffie?
Cliff: Well, "Dear Mr. Clavin, I'm having a great time on vacation. Love, Woody."

Sam: Oh, yeah, it'd be nice, but, uh, Woody's on vacation, you know.
Carla: Oh, well, that's okay, Sammy. I could get my nephew Frankie to help out. He's a good kid, real sweet, Frankie. Of course, he's never been in a bar, but he'll be okay.
Sam: Oh, I don't know about this. You know, this is my livelihood, my business. I don't want to just turn it over to somebody because they're family.
Carla: He'll work for minimum wage.
Sam: I'm in!

Sam: Hey, this is great. So, uh, where are we gonna go? Desert? Mountains?
Frasier: Well, actually, Sam, the location doesn't really matter. This is more of a spiritual journey, an heroic quest.
Sam: You know... You know, if we, uh, drive to California, we could go see Disneyland.
Frasier: Ooh!
Sam: Yeah.
Lilith: Perhaps you could find your manhood on the giant teacups.

Frasier: Oh, what the hell! We'll make it a group thing. All of us will get out and try to get in touch with our tribal instincts.
Norm: There you go.
Lilith: Oh, give me strength.
Frasier: Oh, come on, Lilith, be happy for us. We're all dropping our inhibitions. We're gonna go out and find our manhood on the open road.
Sam: Yeah, like men!
Cliff: Yeah, like manly men!
Frasier: Real men!
Norm: Like those chicks in Thelma and Louise!

Frasier: So, how far have we gone?
Sam: Oh, about a hundred miles.
Frasier: Yeah.
Cliff: Well, it's minus 38.
Frasier: Why minus 38?
Cliff: Well, my trip meter only sets back to 38.
Sam: Well, let's see. What's a hundred minus 38?
Norm: Well, why don't we just, uh, drive 38 more miles? Then we'll know we've hit a hundred.
Sam: Hey, I didn't know you were good at math.
Norm: Yeah, well, you know, I used to be an accountant.

Rebecca: What?
Lilith: I didn't say anything.
Rebecca: Yeah, but you were thinking something.
Lilith: No, I wasn't.
Rebecca: Yes, you think I have the hots for Carla's nephew.
Lilith: I didn't say that.
Rebecca: 'Cause I do.
Lilith: No kidding?
Rebecca: Oh, like you don't? You've only been sitting there for the last four days staring at him. And it's worse with you, because you're married. That's slutty.
Lilith: And what about you? You're ogling him and meanwhile, you're trying to conceive a child with another man.
Rebecca: Yes, but he is not my husband, so that does not make me a slut.

Norm: How about you, Fras?
Frasier: Well, the day we left for this trip, my son gave me a, a picture.
Norm: And you cried?
Frasier: I cried because it was so beautiful.
Cliff: Good luck finding that hairy man.
Frasier: Well, at least I can get pricked by a pin and not almost die.