‘Get Your Kicks on Route 666’
Season 10, Episode 2 - Aired September 26, 1991
When Frasier decides to hit the road and discover his inner "hairy man", Sam, Norm and Cliff tag along. Meanwhile, Carla's hunky nephew, Frankie, fills in at the bar.
Quote from Norm
Sam: Norm! Norm! Thank God you're safe!
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Where'd you get this thing?
Norm: It came complimentary with the room.
Cliff: What room?
Norm: At the resort.
Frasier: What resort?
Norm: The resort just over the hill, where I spent the night.
Frasier: You mean you stayed in a resort while we slept here in the dirt?! Why didn't you come and tell us? How could you do something like this?!
Norm: You guys want to yell at me some more, or do you want to make the breakfast buffet? It stops in ten minutes.
Frasier: Well, naturally, the buffet.
Quote from Sam
Sam: Ah, come on, you guys. Can we stop arguing for, like, ten seconds here? Geez, Buck and I went across the entire United States and we didn't argue once.
Frasier: You know, frankly, Sam, I'm getting a little tired of hearing about Saint Buck! If he was so wonderful, how come none of us has ever met him?
Sam: Because ever since he got into the Hall of Fame, he won't return my phone calls, so I have to hang around a bunch of losers in a stupid bar! Does that answer your question, Mr. Hairy Man?!
Quote from Frasier
Rebecca: Oh, shoot! It's a minus! I'm not pregnant. Well, we only started trying last night. I guess we can't expect to get pregnant the first time.
Sam: Well, I thought that's what the fourth and fifth times were for.
Norm: Fifth time. You imagine that?
Cliff: I'm only up to three.
Rebecca: I just want to be pregnant now.
Lilith: Rebecca, why don't you approach this from a scientific point of view? Make a simple plot-point graph, and chart your basal temperature at a fixed hour each morning. After a couple of months, a pattern will emerge, thereby making your peak fertility days absolutely predictable.
Rebecca: Good idea. Thanks, Lilith!
Sam: Whew, boy! You guys went through all that?
Frasier: No, we just got ripped one night and tore one off. Remember that, sugar, huh?
Quote from Lilith
Sam: Hey, Frasier, Lilith. What'll you have?
Lilith: A scotch, Sam. And whatever my Neanderthal husband will have.
Sam: You two fighting?
Frasier: No, on the contrary, Sam, I insist that she call me that.
Lilith: Frasier's been captivated by a new theory of masculinity which suggests within each man is a hidden primal beast, softened by years of civilization and sensitivity. He saw it on Sally Jesse.
Frasier: Yes, and they got a really cool name for this beast. It's called the "Inner Hairy Man."
Lilith: Or in your case, dear, "The Receding Hairy Man."
Quote from Cliff
Cliff: Yeah, a road trip to Disneyland. Sounds fun. You want to join us, Norm?
Frasier: Well... [stammers] I'm sure you two gentlemen have something to do.
Cliff: Oh, no problemo. I got a couple of weeks vacation coming up.
Frasier: Really?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, my supervisor reminds me daily.
Quote from Norm
Cliff: What do you say, Norm? Huh? The four of us tooling down old mother road, getting in touch with the old hairy man-mobile, huh?
Norm: I don't know. I don't think I could handle sitting still for six hours a day.
Cliff: Well, yeah, it'd be more like ten.
Norm: Oh, then I'm in.
Quote from Cliff
Sam: Boy, I'll never forget, when I was 19, Buck, my best friend. He was a teammate of mine in the minors. He and l, uh, hitchhiked all across Route 66. Boy, best time of my life.
Cliff: Yeah?
Norm: Do they still have the place where the Cadillacs are sticking up out of the ground?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, Cadillac Ranch, in Merrimac Caverns.
Norm: All right.
Cliff: Yeah, once I lost a Hopalong Cassidy watch there when I was ten. Yeah, it just slipped right off my wrist. Yeah, you wouldn't believe it, but as a youth, I had very fine-boned wrists. I can't tell you how many people mistook me for royalty.
Quote from Norm
Norm: What you reading there, Fras?
Frasier: Oh, uh It's called Iron John. It's a best-seller about getting in touch with one's masculinity.
Norm: Mmm. So you're actually gonna try to read in a moving car? Doesn't that make you sick?
Frasier: No.
Norm: I always get sick when I read in a car. The car bounces around, you know, your eyes try to follow the words there. You can smell the gas fumes. Pretty soon, you start sweating and gasping for breath. [Frasier shuts his book] What's the problem?
Frasier: I'm sick.
Norm: You know, I'll bet it's from reading in the car. I'm telling you.
Quote from Rebecca
Carla: Just look at you two. You're acting like a couple of construction workers.
Rebecca: Carla's right, Lilith. I mean, we're treating men just the way we hate to be treated by them.
[Lilith throws her purse on the ground as Frankie walks by]
Lilith: Oops, I dropped my purse.
Frankie: I'll get it for you. [picks it up] Here you go.
Lilith: Thank you.
Frankie: You're welcome.
[As Frankie walks around the corner of the bar, Rebecca throws her purse in front of him. He bends down, picks it up and hands it to her.]
Rebecca: Thank you again.
Frankie: You're welcome.
[As four women sitting along the bar all drop their purses in front of Frankie's path, Lilith and Rebecca high-five]
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: [answers phone] Hello? Hello?
Norm: If it's Vera, I'm not here.
Frasier: Yes, this is Frasier Crane. Oh, thank God somebody called. The batteries are getting sort of low. Look, I don't have much time. Excuse me? Y- Yes, I understand the Democratic party's in trouble, and I'd love to contribute, but I'm in a little trouble myself right now. Oh, damn! The batteries are dead!