Diane: Oh, I'm not using a pair of tickets tomorrow for the Boston Pops. You're welcome to have them if you're interested.
Sam: Uh, no. No, thank you.
Diane: Oh, you'll enjoy it! The program is an evening filled with fireworks and laser beams, occasionally interrupted with the music of Gershwin.
Sam: Well, I just can't think of who I'd take. Most of the women I date don't like music they can't dance to.
Diane: Most of the women you date don't like music they can't shed clothing to.

Coach: I've got the greatest ghost story ever told. Now, it seems Casper got caught in this huge laundry basket full of sheets-
Carla: Don't finish it, Coach. Some of us want to be able to sleep tonight.
Coach: Ah, you're right, Carla. It's best that I live with it myself. My God, what a horrible sight.
Norm: Speaking of horrible sights, Coach, take a look at... [holds out empty glass] this! [Coach screams]

Sam: How come you don't want to go?
Diane: Oh, I do. But Frasier's out of town and I can't think of anyone I'd like to go with.
Sam: Oh. I guess Frasier would feel uncomfortable if you and I went, huh?
Diane: No, actually he suggested it.
Sam: Oh. So, you'd be uncomfortable, huh?
Diane: Not at all. While you still harbor tortured longings for me, the emotions are so completely unreciprocated. I don't see why we shouldn't go together.
Sam: Then it's a date.
Diane: No, not a date. I mean not a date date. Well, it's a... What would you call an evening out with a woman when you have absolutely no hope of physical involvement whatsoever?
Sam: A first.

Diane: Well, here we are.
Sam: Yeah, thank you for the ride home and thank you very much for the concert. Boy, I tell you, that Gershwin's a genius.
[Diane vocalizes "Rhapsody in Blue" as Sam imitates fireworks]
Diane: Yeah, the mark of a great composer is when the audience leaves humming your fireworks.

Cliff: Look, don't you know that psychologists believe that one night of meaningless pleasure can just get in the way of any long-term commitment?
Norm: Is that true, Sam?
Sam: I rely on it.

Cliff: She's meeting me here tonight at eight o'clock.
Norm: Eight o'clock? Cliff, I don't believe this. You're meeting a woman here in 15 minutes. I don't believe how calm you are.
Cliff: Oh, hey, Norm. Don't tell me that you too subscribe to that myth about my discomfiture with women?
Norm: Cliffie, I was here one night a woman asked you what time it was. You swallowed the lower half of your face.
Cliff: Well, Norm, obviously you know nothing about body language. That gesture is replete with erotic message.
Norm: To a baboon maybe.

Diane: Well, Frasier, didn't I tell you that Halloween at Cheers would be fun?
Frasier: Yes, but I won't hold it against you.

Cliff: It's got nothing to do with guts. It's just that the type of women you find up here in the northeastern seaboard bore me. See, I prefer your southern belles. You know, the kind of women you find down there in Florida.
Alan: Oh no, he's going to go on about Florida again.
Cliff: Hey, hey, hey. Suffice it to say, when I was down there, I was covered with women.
Steve: You sure they weren't mosquitoes?
Cliff: Yeah, thank you, Bob Hopeless. I think I'll just go in the back and scope out the dollies.

Norm: Come on, guys. Cliff is not gay, all right? He's just shy around women to the point of being a blithering idiot.

Tinker Bell: Did anyone ever tell you you dance divinely, Ponce?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, someone did mention it to me the other day. Was that Cortés or Pizarro?