Sam: You can relax, everybody. Got the box.
Cliff: All right, Sammy.
Norm: They just, uh, gave it to ya, huh?
Sam: No, no, I had to buy something.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? Wha, wha, what'd you get?
Sam: Sterling silver corncob holders. 290 bucks. Do you believe that?
Norm: Wow. Why'd you buy those things?
Sam: Well, everything else seemed like such a rip-off. I'm still way ahead, though. It's okay.

Sam: Uh, no, Diane, uh, wait a second here. Uh, I can't... I can't let you go through with this.
Diane: What?
Sam: Well, uh, l... I bought that dress for ya.
Diane: Sam Malone.
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: I don't believe you.
Sam: No, it's a fact. It's in my car right up there.
Diane: Oh, you scamp. Oh, go get it, please.
Sam: Uh, you know, I... l was kinda hopin' to surprise you with it.
Diane: Well, I already know about it now.
Sam: Right. What am I standin' here for then, huh? [both laugh] Say, you know, that's, uh that was such an interesting dress. How would you describe that color?
Diane: Pink.
Sam: Pink! Right. You always know the perfect word. Pink. Who woulda thought?

Sam: Here we go. The one you wanted and, uh, three more.
Diane: Oh, Sam!
Sam: What?
Diane: You impetuous fool. Oh, I love them.
Sam: [chuckling] Oh.
Diane: Oh, thank you.
Sam: Uh-huh.
Diane: Wait a minute. You were gone an awfully long time. I thought you were just going to your car.
Sam: Well, I got a... A parking ticket, and l, uh, I wanted to fight it in court.

Cliff: Do l, uh, detect a snafu there, Sammy?
Sam: Every damn dress in the window was pink.
Cliff: Oh, boy, that must have, uh, cost you a pretty penny.
Sam: That's all right. I'll get some of it back. She couldn't possibly like all four of them.
Diane: Oh, Sam, I love all of them. I can't decide which one to wear tonight to dinner.
Sam: Oh, go oh, boy, uh, right.

Diane: I have to stop by the store to get the ring appraised.
Sam: Pardon me?
Diane: The insurance man said that there has to be an appraisal on file in order to have this covered in my theft policy.
Sam: Boy, they, uh they don't make it easy, do they? Uh, I'll tell you what. Why don't you, uh, let me handle that? I'll have it appraised. Uh, why yeah, why don't you give me the ring?
Diane: Oh, no, Sam! Just as our love is forever, so is this ring. From here on out, it will never leave my finger.
Sam: Beautiful. That's really beautiful. Woody, you want to get me some aspirin there?
Frasier: Sam, I think this has gone too far. You're caught in a quagmire of deceit. You're just going to sink deeper and deeper, and to what avail?
Sam: To my butt's avail. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and be honest with her. I mean, I really want this relationship to work.

Sam: Uh, Diane?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: l, uh, I have something I want to say to you. Uh, I'm afraid you're not going to like it.
Diane: After receiving this beautiful symbol of our relationship-- a symbol that has touched me very deeply-- nothing you say could ever disappoint me. What is it?
Sam: I have to go to the doctor.
Diane: What for?
Sam: No, it's nothing serious. It's, uh... I just figured that, you know, we-we're getting married. Uh, I might as well have a check-up and make sure the old Evinrude's still cranking.

Cliff: So, uh, what now, Kemo Sammy?
Sam: It's no problem. It's no problem. I'll just, uh... I'll go back to the store and I'll... I'll handle it. Tell you, though no way in the world am I going to buy that expensive ring. [exits]
Cliff: The ring is bought.
Frasier: Oh, yeah.

Cliff: Oh, you shelled out for the ring in the window, didn't you, Sammy?
Sam: Yeah.
Cliff: Uh-huh.
Sam: I got a real interesting price on it.
Cliff: Full price?
Sam: Right around there, yeah. As soon as I switch this one for the ring on her finger, my problems are over.

Sam: You know, actually, I... I was sitting in the, uh, waiting room there, and l, uh, realized that, uh, I had never officially put that ring on your finger, and I'd well, I'd kind of like to.
Diane: Sam, you're just sweeping me off my feet.
Sam: Um, okay, well, uh, close your eyes.
Diane: Why?
Sam: Uh, well, there, uh... There- There's something I want to say to you, and, uh, I might get embarrassed if- if you saw me say it.
Diane: Okay. All right. I can't wait to hear this.
Sam: Right. Diane, you're really neat. [puts the ring on Diane's finger]
Diane: I think this big step we've taken has made you positively goofy.
Sam: Well, maybe it has. That's me. Just one big goof.

Sam: Yeah, they, uh they haven't found a chick that can outsmart me.
Cliff: All right, Sammy.
Frasier: Did he say "chick" or "chimp"?