Rebecca: It's a benefit for Children's Hospital. All these women get together and they bid for an evening on the town with eligible bachelors. Local celebrities, athletes. They raise a lot of money, they do it every year, and it's a great deal of fun.
Norm: Where'd you hear about it?
Rebecca: Uh, I must have been to one once. Anyway, I told Mr. Drake-
Carla: Who'd you bid on?
Rebecca: I told Mr. Drake I thought it would be great publicity for Cheers.
Carla: Who'd you bid on?
Rebecca: And since it's for a good cause, he agreed-
Carla: Who'd you bid on?
Rebecca: A hairy linebacker. Are you satisfied?
Norm: Ooh.
Cliff: Oh!
Carla: Were you?

Cliff: So, Sammy, you going to be taking part in this auction?
Sam: Are you kidding me? I hate that stuff. I mean, it's one thing for guys to bid on chicks, but that's sick.

Frasier: Sam, champagne, please. Ah, guys. Norm, Cliff. Won't be long now before the boys of the bar are going to have to manage without me.
Cliff: Eh, can do.
Norm: Yeah, no sweat, Fras.

Sam: You know, I just figured out what you're doing here. You're using reverse psychology. You really want me to be in that auction of yours, so you're pretending that you don't, am I right?
Rebecca: I don't care if you're in the auction. [Sam laughs] I don't care if you're not in the auction.
Sam: Yeah, right.
Rebecca: I have never felt more honestly and passionately indifferent about anything in my life. I really don't care.
Sam: All right, okay, you win. I'm volunteering, all right?

Woody: Is it me, or is she a little scary?
Norm: Woody, the electric chair is a little scary.

Carla: Hey, you know, um, 400's not bad. Now Sam only has to reach 1,600 to break the record.
Rebecca: The day any woman pays 1,600 for Malone, I'll tattoo his name on my butt.
Carla: Sammy, quick, loan me 1,600 bucks.

Emcee: Do I have 1,250? Oh, come on, now, ladies.
Rebecca: $1,250!
Emcee: $1,250!
Sam: Well, well, well.
Emcee: $1,300. Do I hear $1,300?
Cliff: That sly Rebecca, huh?
Emcee: Quite a date you're passing up, here, ladies.
Rebecca: I said $1,250. Do I hear $1,300?

Emcee: $1,250 going once.
Rebecca: No, please, please
Emcee: Going twice...
Rebecca: Please.
Emcee: $1,250 going for the last time.
Lilith: I bid $2,000.
Emcee: Sold!

Carla: Okay, well, here you go. It's called Larry's Sanitary Tattoo. Make sure you ask for Frank. He likes to do it the old-fashioned way. You'll scream a lot.

Carla: Wha-ho! Sammy, looks like you're going to get your lobster boiled.
Sam: Ah, no, I'm not. She's just doing that to bug Frasier.
Carla: Well, you know, you could always trade with Woody.
Woody: I don't think her intentions are honorable.