Carla: Hey, Frasier, can I ask you something? When you and Lilith wake up in the morning, which one of you is the first to scream, "What have I done?"

Emcee: And now, our grand finale. Former Red Sox great Sam Malone! Come on up here, Sam. The big gun! [whooping and cheering]
Sam: Thank you, thank you. Ladies, let's see. [clearing throat] Your enchanted evening with me will begin with a leisurely sunset drive up to a small, secluded oceanside inn, where we will enjoy a candlelit, romantic dinner for two. [oohing and aahing] Yes, yes. And then this being the beginning of the weekend, who knows where dinner will lead? [squealing and whooping]

Frasier: What do you think you're doing?
Lilith: Helping charity. Don't worry, it's just some money I had put aside to buy you a ring.
Frasier: You are not actually going to go off with Sam to some inn on the Cape for the weekend?
Lilith: Why not? Did we have a prenuptial agreement to the contrary?
Frasier: No, of course not.
Lilith: Sam, I understand we're going to the Cape. I'll just bring the car around. We can stop at my place, and I'll throw some things in a bag.
Sam: Actually, Lilith, you know, that won't be necessary.
Lilith: Perhaps not, but I believe in being prepared. I hope you do, too.

Sam: A little more bubbly here?
Lilith: Whatever you suggest, Sam. I'm agreeable to anything you suggest.
Sam: Ah, well, good, good, good, because, um, quite frankly, I'd like to talk just a little bit more about Frasier. You know, uh, one of the, uh, qualities that I admire most about him is his reliability. He's always very punctual, isn't he?
Lilith: Frasier, Schmasier. Let's have some fun.
Sam: [uneasy chuckle] Heck of a guy, Frasier, I'll tell you. [Lilith changes the radio station] A lot of, uh, remarkable qualities... Uh you know, he's, uh, he's faithful, he- he's devoted... [jazz music playing] And he's, uh, musical, too. Very musical guy, you know? He's always, uh, whistling something or singing some tune. Or making that that funny little chirping noise he makes with his lips. What are you doing?
Lilith: It's too bright.
Sam: Talk about bright. I tell you, uh... Frasier's just about the brightest guy I've ever met. You don't mind if we turn some of these back on, do you, in case we want to read later, or something? Hey, you know, Frasier reads a lot, doesn't he?
Lilith: Sam, we've talked enough about Frasier. Let's talk about you.
Sam: Oh, me, well, I'm just a an ordinary guy who happens to respect and admire the hell out of Frasier, I'll tell you.
Lilith: Smell good?
Sam: You bet; I sniff him every time he comes in the bar.

Frasier: Aha! I found you... kissing!
Sam: Got her all warmed up for you, there, Fras.
Frasier: And yourself in the process, I see.
Sam: Oh, come on.
Frasier: Well, let's just step outside, settle this like gentlemen.
Sam: Oh, don't be ridiculous, man.
Frasier: At least do me the honor of pulling up your pants.
Sam: All right, I will. All right.
Frasier: Now, what is going on here?
Lilith: I might ask you the same.
Frasier: Look, I'll ask the questions around here!
Sam: Would you two stop sniping, for goodness sake? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? [backs out of the room with his pants around his ankles]

Frasier: You two were actually going to...
Lilith: Oh, of course not. That was only for your sake.
Frasier: What? You mean you knew I was coming?
Lilith: Frasier, darling, yin to my yang, I know your mind as I know my own. Of course I knew you'd come. I knew you could do no other. Besides, I could hear your muffler behind us all the way up Route 3.
Frasier: And what a joke on me. What a cruel, wonderful joke on me. Why, Lilith, why?
Lilith: Because I was angry about that prenuptial agreement.
Frasier: Oh.
Lilith: And hurt.

Frasier: Look, I'm- l'm sorry I ever brought that up in the first place. It's just that I've seen so many failed marriages. I just wanted some insurance, I guess. Of course, I- I forgot I'm marrying the perfect woman.
Lilith: Don't forget that, Frasier. And I certainly didn't mean to hurt you with Sam. By the way, what took you so long getting here?
Frasier: Oh, well, when I first arrived, I went to the wrong room. Uh... By the way, we're having breakfast tomorrow with Jack and Peggy in number eight. I'm paying.
Lilith: Frasier, you dear, sweet ninny. I do love you, you know.
Frasier: And l, you.

Rebecca: This is great. We're just $2,000 away from breaking the record. How many guys do we have left?
Carla: Just Sammy.
Rebecca: Oh, well. There's always next year.
Sam: $2,000? Oh, gee, I might actually have to comb my hair.
Rebecca: Come on, you guys, there's no way he can get that by himself. God, if we just had one more hunk.
Cliff: All right, all right, all right.
Rebecca: Mr. Clavin, that is a really sweet gesture but, um... Isn't there some regulation against, uh, government employees in uniform participating in this kind of a thing?
Cliff: Oh, that is a very salient point, and one which I came within a hair of overlooking. I thank you. I shudder to think what might have happened.
Norm: We all do.

Frasier: Well, my darling, to us.
Lilith: Thank you, darling. It's been a lovely evening. You've revealed previously unsuspected depths of romanticism.
Frasier: Well, Lilith, we have a whole lifetime of romantic evenings ahead of us, but for now, we've got to plan. We don't have much time. We've got to get the wedding license, have blood tests, see the lawyer draw up the prenuptial agreement, invite the guests...
Lilith: Excuse me. What prenuptial agreement?
Frasier: Well, wherein we decide what you are or are not entitled to in event of a divorce. It's merely a safeguard.
Lilith: You're already planning for the divorce? Have you selected my cemetery plot also?
Frasier: Well, assuming we stay together, you'll be right between me and Cousin Lemuel.

Rebecca: Woody, does it look like we're going to get a good turnout for our auction?
Woody: Oh, yeah. I'll bet by now there isn't anyone in Boston who doesn't know about it.
Norm: What auction?
Cliff: We're having an auction?