Diane: Well, Sam, I'm ready for our weekend.
Sam: You're sure you've got everything?
Diane: I believe in being prepared.
Sam: With all this luggage, I hope you didn't forget to pack that frilly baby doll nightie I love so much.
Diane: I'm sorry, Sam. It's at the cleaners. Couldn't you wear something else? Just this once.
Sam: OK, but if I don't like it, we come right home.

Diane: Carla, are you sure there's nothing left between you?
Carla: Nothing. I'm just ticked because he's marrying a dish and he's rubbing my nose in it. He even sent a picture of her. Get a load of that.
Diane: She's naked.
Carla: So? So was he.
Diane: I thought he was wearing mohair pyjamas.

Diane: Today, I'm going to do something unequivocally spontaneous. May I have the phone, please?
Coach: Spontaneous phone.
Diane: A classmate in my Samoan literature class told me about a 200-year-old country inn hidden on an island off the coast Maine that you have to be ferried to. [Coach whistles] By the time the weekend is over, he'll think of the Pequod as our place. [on the phone] Yes. I'd like a room for Malone. Yes, that's right. Sam Malone. His usual room?

Diane: How would you like to go away with me this weekend to a country inn?
Sam: Oh. What inn?
Coach: You're welcome to use my station wagon.
Sam: Excuse me?
Diane: It's a long story.

Carla: Okay, everybody, listen up. I am in the worst mood of my entire life, so watch out, don't bug me and stay out of my way. This is the only warning you're going to get.
Norm: Oh, Carla, come on. Turn that frown upside down.
[Carla runs at Norm, pulls his sweater over his head and starts hitting him. After Sam and Cliff separate the pair, Cliff bundles Carla into Sam's office. Sam holds Norm back as he tries to go after Carla.]
Sam: Come on. Easy.
Diane: Norman, are you all right?
Norm: I'm just glad I could be here for her.

Sam: Coach, I'll go in and talk to her. I may be a little while here and I don't want to be disturbed. So if I get any phone calls, just take a message.
[After Sam goes into his office, he is quickly thrown out with his sweater over his head.]
Sam: Oh.
Dr. Kendall: Hello. I'm Dr. Paul Kendall. I'm a licensed psychotherapist specializing in violent situations and crisis behavior. I can help that woman. Excuse me. [opens door] Hello, Carla. My name is Dr. Paul Kendall. I'm a licensed psychotherapist.
[After Dr. Kendall steps into the office, he quickly emerges with his sweater pulled up over his head]
Sam: Hey. You all right?
Dr. Kendall: I never saw her coming. I think she dropped from the ceiling.
Sam: Sit down. We'll buy you a drink.

Carla: Anyway, he's got this foxy new broad and I can't even get a date for his wedding.
Diane: I thought you were seeing someone.
Carla: His fingerprints grew back, he had to leave the country.
Diane: Well, then, take someone else. If you want to play this game with Nick, take somebody and pretend he's your fella. Someone who'll make Nick jealous.
Carla: Ooh, that's good. Someone tall, handsome, a hunk.
Diane: Maybe Sam-
Carla: Great idea. I'm saved! I'm saved!
Diane: Knows somebody. Maybe Sam knows somebody.

Cliff: Eh, so I'm not a pretty boy. My father wasn't pretty either. He was a beautiful man, Norm. You know what I'm talking about?
Norm: Absolutely.
Cliff: I mean, beautiful inside. Just a beautiful- If you could have seen that man's insides... Next time he has an operation, let me know.

Sam: So, Coach. How did we do tonight?
Coach: Well, the total's a little off, Sam, you know.
Sam: Twenty, thirty thousand?
Coach: Sixteen.
Sam: Hey, way to go, guy. You're bucking for promotion here.
Coach: Ah, if it happens, it happens. Goodnight, all.

Sam: So, come on. What happened? What did he say?
Carla: He crawled to me, Sam, and I stepped on his heart.
Sam: All right, Carla! That's terrific. You must feel great. Hey, come on. What's this all about? Hey, listen, you're on top. He came back begging and you beat him. What are you so upset about?
Carla: I didn't beat him. He only wanted me because he thought you did. What he has is real. All I have is a lie. And my life is terrible. [hugs Sam]
Sam: Hey, come on, Carla. Come on. [they kiss] Well, uh... You know what that was, don't you?
Carla: No, do you?
Sam: I think so.
Carla: Good. What was it?
Sam: Well, we've been together all afternoon and all over each other. It's just the natural thing to do.
Carla: That wasn't it.
Sam: Well, what was it?
Carla: It was a pity kiss. I've gotten them, I've given them, and I know what they are.
Sam: So have l. That wasn't one.
Carla: Then what was it?
Sam: Well, maybe we just wanted to find out what it would be like.
Carla: Maybe. So what was it like?
Sam: What was it like for you?
Carla: I've had better.
Sam: Well, I haven't.
Carla: I know.
Sam: Well... Whatever it was, it's over now.
Carla: Yeah. Ain't gonna let that get in the way of a good friendship, huh? [they shake hands] If it picks you up any, I never had a better handshake.