Carla: Hey, come on, let's go fish those keys out of the mailbox.
Gloria LeBec: You know, how do you break into those things?
Carla: Oh. Piece of cake. First I got to hold you by the ankles, see?
Gloria LeBec: Right.

Woody: [o.s.] Hey, Miss Howe, I'm on page 30. No one's gotten nude yet.
Rebecca: Woody, there is a nude scene in Hair. No one could miss it. [glass breaking]
Woody: [o.s.] Oh, no!
Rebecca: Not even Woody.
Woody: Sorry, Miss Howe. I just broke a glass. I'll clean it up in a second, all right? [chuckles] Nude scene.
Pete: Oh, hey, Woody, you dropped your script. I hope I didn't lose your place. I think you were right around this nude scene.
Woody: Oh, thanks. [screams]

Carla: Hi, guys. How do you like my hair?
Norm: Oh, it's just stunning. What, did you get a new rake?
Carla: For your information, Gloria did my hair, and I did hers.
Sam: Yeah? Where's Gloria now?
Carla: She's at the beauty parlor trying to get some color back into hers. I don't know went wrong. I mean, that stuff worked great on those old jeans, you know.

Sam: Hey, come here, listen. $50,000 is a lot of money. You sure you don't want to split that with your best pal?
Carla: Oh, you mean Gloria? Look, it's her own fault. If she'd been here two minutes ago, she'd have got a free beer.
Frasier: Carla, we were all witnesses when you gave your word of honor that you'd split anything he left you 50-50.
Carla: My word of honor? If you don't shut up, I'll split you 50-50.
Frasier: Now, Carla, you're getting defensive. I have a feeling that maybe deep down inside, you're beginning to feel a little bit guilty.
Carla: Hey, look, if I feel guilty, it's my business.
Frasier: Well, all right, suit yourself. It's the worst thing a person can do, keep guilt inside. It has an insidious way of bringing itself to the surface.
Carla: Sure, what do you think's going to happen... Suddenly I'm going to come down with a severe case of the shakes? [Carla's arm shakes]
Frasier: Yes, exactly my point.
Carla: Well, I did it on purpose, you quack.

Woody: Sam, did we send something to Woody for opening night?
Sam: Uh, yeah. As a matter of fact, we were going to send him flowers and candy, but that's so impersonal. We sent him a very nice wristwatch.
Woody: A watch?
Sam: 17 jewels, leather band.
Rebecca: Whoa!
Sam: Yeah.
Rebecca: How much did that cost?
Sam: Actually, nothing. We got it out of the lost and found. And it had been in there 30 days, OK? It was under a lot of stuff, but...

Sam: Come here. This has been going on for a week and it's not getting any better. Now I think we all know why you're shaking like this. I mean, admit it. You're walking around carrying a very big load.
Carla: You bet, and I got it strapped around me in cash.
Sam: No. I meant guilt. Really? Wow, can I see it?

Carla: Look at this, Sam. I don't need the use of my hands. I rigged my tray so I can do my job perfectly.
Man: That's my beer?
Carla: Yeah. Take it yourself. And don't forget my tip. If you're going to put it in there that far, there'd better be a ring with it.

Sam: Hey, Norm, did you ever find out what happened to Cliffie?
Norm: Uh, yeah, yeah. It turns out it was the hospital. He, uh, had a little minor surgery. No big deal. Yeah, he'll be back in a couple days.
Sam: How's he feeling?
Norm: I'll tell you what, he's on the phone there. Why don't you ask him yourself.
Sam: [picks up the pay phone which is off the hook] Cliffie, is that you? [chuckles] Hey, well... Oh, yeah, yeah, I bet it does hurt to have those things cauterized, yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. [drops the phone] Uh-huh.